Breaking Brad: Happy birthday, Kim Kardashian! - Omaha.com
Published Monday, October 21, 2013 at 1:00 pm / Updated at 12:10 pm
Breaking Brad: Happy birthday, Kim Kardashian!

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read Brad's morning jokes.

* Sarah Palin recently slammed the "corrupt bastards" in Washington, D.C. I wish she'd be a little more specific. Slamming "corrupt bastards" in D.C. eliminates two of our elected officials.

* This is interesting. "Corrupt Bastards" is the new frontrunner to replace "Redskins."

* A huge transit strike stalled the morning commute in San Francisco. I'd like to clear something up. There was no transit strike stalling the morning commute in Omaha – that's just the normal road construction.

* Dennis Rodman says the leaders of North Korea enjoy a life of opulence, filled with yachts, luxurious homes and extravagant food. So it's a lot like being a UNL administrator.

* The movie "Carrie" opened over the weekend, and the TV show "Ironside" was canceled by NBC. I feel like I just fell into a time warp and it's 1976.

* Kim Kardashian is celebrating her 33rd birthday today. Two more years till she's old enough to run for president, then our problems are over.

* Kardashian held a huge party with hundreds of guests. She limited it to former and current fiancees

* Taylor Swift is getting into acting, but she's still going to pursue her first love. Dating?

* In Azerbaijan, results of the presidential election were announced before the polls even opened. Officials in Chicago said, “You can do that?”

* After hearing this, the Castro brothers in Cuba and Kim Jong-un said of Azerbaijan officials: “They're good. Really good.”

* Here's the most amazing thing – the winners were announced before polls opened and Dick Morris still got the winners wrong.

* NBC canceled plans for a miniseries on the life of Hillary Clinton. This after the network couldn't secure licensing rights to the title “The Greatest Story Ever Told II.”

* In India, a proposal to ban scantily clad mannequins passed. American tea party leaders said: “Hey, that was going to be our next cause.”

* The College Football Playoff Committee has been announced. It looks like the U.S. Supreme Court, only older.

* Condoleezza Rice has been named to the College Football Playoff Committee. In her past career, she had to make dramatic decisions affecting world peace. Of course this means more responsibility since to Americans college football is more important than world peace.

* Rumor has it that Rex Ryan ordered his players to abstain from sex before Sunday's game with New England. This is the worst news possible for NFL players – it worked, and the Jets beat the Patriots in overtime.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

OPS bus, SUV collide; no students onboard at the time
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Lori Jenkins, charged as accessory in 4 murders, waives speedy trial
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New public employee pay data: Douglas, Lancaster, Sarpy Counties, plus utilities
2nd District House race: After 8 terms, Lee Terry knows how D.C. works — and doesn't
Bellevue man is killed at Minnesota dance hall after South Sudanese basketball tourney
Spring corn planting still sputters in Nebraska, Iowa, other key states
Nebraska banking and finance director to retire
19-year-old killed in one-vehicle crash at 72nd & Shirley
Gov. Heineman vetoes bill to ease restrictions on nurse practitioners
U.S. Senate race: State Auditor Mike Foley defends Shane Osborn against ad campaign
Public defender to represent Nikko Jenkins in sentencing
Mid-America Center on track for lower operating loss
Bluffs City Council approves dozens of new numbered street lights
National Law Enforcement Memorial Week set for May
Ted Cruz backs Pete Ricketts' campaign for governor
Omahan charged with 5th-offense DUI after street race causes rollover
2 blocks of Grover Street closed
Safety board report blames pilot error in 2013 crash that killed UNO student, passenger
Omaha man accused in shooting ordered held on $75,000 bail
2 men charged with conspiracy to distribute meth held on $1 million bail each
La Vista plans meeting on sales tax proposal, 84th Street redevelopment
6-mile stretch of Highway 75 is the road not taken
Database: How much did Medicare pay your doctor?
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