Breaking Brad: Trash or treasure? Cast-iron dinosaur missing in Bluffs -
Published Monday, October 21, 2013 at 12:01 am / Updated at 11:06 am
Breaking Brad: Trash or treasure? Cast-iron dinosaur missing in Bluffs

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* At the Ak-Sar-Ben Coronation and Scholarship Ball on Saturday night, a new king and queen of Quivira were crowned. They are an auto mechanic from a local Jiffy Lube and a cocktail waitress at a South Omaha tavern ... just kidding.

* The king and queen of Ak-Sar-Ben are strictly ceremonial positions and perform no actual work or have any real responsibility. So it's like serving on the Omaha City Council.

* The Ak-Sar-Ben Ball was at the CenturyLink Center, and a zombie walk was held in Benson. I feel sorry for the guy who got confused and showed up for the Ak-Sar-Ben Ball dressed as a zombie.

* A reward has been offered for the return of 150-pound cast-iron dinosaur monument stolen from a front yard in Council Bluffs. It's unclear if it was taken by thieves or Keep America Beautiful.

* A new coin in Britain honoring Prince George has gone into circulation. This is the difference between the U.S. and Britain. In the U.S., to get your picture on a coin or bill, you must accomplish tremendous deeds; in Britain, if you're born into the right family, you just have to belch and poop into a diaper.

* It's bad enough that President Obama blames a lot of our problems on the George W. Bush administration. But now Obama is blaming issues with the Obamacare website on Al Gore for inventing the Internet.

* Reportedly, 467,000 people have attempted to sign up for Obamacare. I'd like to congratulate Roy of Sioux Falls and Sarah from San Diego as the only two people to navigate the website and complete the sign-up process.

* It's reported that 467,000 Americans have applied for Obamacare. Either that, or five Americans have attempted to sign up 467,000 times.

* The Obamacare website is referred to as the ACA site. Of course that stands for “Absolutely Can't Access.”

* To make matters worse, when you call tech support to report a problem with the U.S. Affordable Care Act Website, the phone is answered by some guy in India.

* Saturday night in the Rose Garden, President Obama hosted the wedding of the official White House photographer. Because Obama hosted the wedding, the rehearsal dinner was $5,000 per plate.

* President Obama plans to nominate a new Homeland Security chief. Obama is so enamored of celebrity that the two finalists were the actress who stars in “Castle” and Detective Munch from “Law and Order.”

* Sarah Palin said, “Doesn't it seem like we have a corrupt bastards club in D.C.?” Of course, as every U.S. voter knows, “corrupt bastard” is a euphemism for “elected representative.”

* Palin is right – there is a corrupt bastards club in Washington, D.C. I believe there's a 25-year waiting list to join.

* Good news for many: The Boston Red Sox have advanced to the World Series. Not so good news: Their beards are coming with them.

* On College GameDay, Bill Murray tackled Lee Corso. In a sign of the times, a humorless NCAA ref ran onto the set and ejected Murray for targeting.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

Lori Jenkins, charged as accessory in 4 murders, waives speedy trial
Iowa State servers hacked, nearly 30,000 SSNs at risk
New public employee pay data: Douglas, Lancaster, Sarpy Counties, plus utilities
2nd District House race: After 8 terms, Lee Terry knows how D.C. works — and doesn't
Bellevue man is killed at Minnesota dance hall after South Sudanese basketball tourney
Spring corn planting still sputters in Nebraska, Iowa, other key states
Nebraska banking and finance director to retire
19-year-old killed in one-vehicle crash at 72nd & Shirley
Gov. Heineman vetoes bill to ease restrictions on nurse practitioners
U.S. Senate race: State Auditor Mike Foley defends Shane Osborn against ad campaign
Public defender to represent Nikko Jenkins in sentencing
Mid-America Center on track for lower operating loss
Bluffs City Council approves dozens of new numbered street lights
National Law Enforcement Memorial Week set for May
Ted Cruz backs Pete Ricketts' campaign for governor
Omahan charged with 5th-offense DUI after street race causes rollover
2 blocks of Grover Street closed
Safety board report blames pilot error in 2013 crash that killed UNO student, passenger
Omaha man accused in shooting ordered held on $75,000 bail
2 men charged with conspiracy to distribute meth held on $1 million bail each
Waitress who served alcohol to teen before fatal crash gets jail time, probation
La Vista plans meeting on sales tax proposal, 84th Street redevelopment
6-mile stretch of Highway 75 is the road not taken
Database: How much did Medicare pay your doctor?
Millard school board bans e-cigarettes from all district properties, events
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Instead of returning the wieners, TD Ameritrade Park is calling them "cheese dogs" and charging double.
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Kelly: 70 years after a deadly D-Day rehearsal, Omahan, WWII vet will return to Europe
A World War II veteran from Omaha will return this week to Europe to commemorate a tragedy in the run-up to D-Day.
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