Breaking Brad: Trash or treasure? Cast-iron dinosaur missing in Bluffs - Omaha.com
Published Monday, October 21, 2013 at 12:01 am / Updated at 11:06 am
Breaking Brad: Trash or treasure? Cast-iron dinosaur missing in Bluffs

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

* * * * * * * * * *

Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* At the Ak-Sar-Ben Coronation and Scholarship Ball on Saturday night, a new king and queen of Quivira were crowned. They are an auto mechanic from a local Jiffy Lube and a cocktail waitress at a South Omaha tavern ... just kidding.

* The king and queen of Ak-Sar-Ben are strictly ceremonial positions and perform no actual work or have any real responsibility. So it's like serving on the Omaha City Council.

* The Ak-Sar-Ben Ball was at the CenturyLink Center, and a zombie walk was held in Benson. I feel sorry for the guy who got confused and showed up for the Ak-Sar-Ben Ball dressed as a zombie.

* A reward has been offered for the return of 150-pound cast-iron dinosaur monument stolen from a front yard in Council Bluffs. It's unclear if it was taken by thieves or Keep America Beautiful.

* A new coin in Britain honoring Prince George has gone into circulation. This is the difference between the U.S. and Britain. In the U.S., to get your picture on a coin or bill, you must accomplish tremendous deeds; in Britain, if you're born into the right family, you just have to belch and poop into a diaper.

* It's bad enough that President Obama blames a lot of our problems on the George W. Bush administration. But now Obama is blaming issues with the Obamacare website on Al Gore for inventing the Internet.

* Reportedly, 467,000 people have attempted to sign up for Obamacare. I'd like to congratulate Roy of Sioux Falls and Sarah from San Diego as the only two people to navigate the website and complete the sign-up process.

* It's reported that 467,000 Americans have applied for Obamacare. Either that, or five Americans have attempted to sign up 467,000 times.

* The Obamacare website is referred to as the ACA site. Of course that stands for “Absolutely Can't Access.”

* To make matters worse, when you call tech support to report a problem with the U.S. Affordable Care Act Website, the phone is answered by some guy in India.

* Saturday night in the Rose Garden, President Obama hosted the wedding of the official White House photographer. Because Obama hosted the wedding, the rehearsal dinner was $5,000 per plate.

* President Obama plans to nominate a new Homeland Security chief. Obama is so enamored of celebrity that the two finalists were the actress who stars in “Castle” and Detective Munch from “Law and Order.”

* Sarah Palin said, “Doesn't it seem like we have a corrupt bastards club in D.C.?” Of course, as every U.S. voter knows, “corrupt bastard” is a euphemism for “elected representative.”

* Palin is right – there is a corrupt bastards club in Washington, D.C. I believe there's a 25-year waiting list to join.

* Good news for many: The Boston Red Sox have advanced to the World Series. Not so good news: Their beards are coming with them.

* On College GameDay, Bill Murray tackled Lee Corso. In a sign of the times, a humorless NCAA ref ran onto the set and ejected Murray for targeting.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

U.S. Senate candidate Bart McLeay trails his 3 GOP rivals in fundraising
86-year-old Holdrege man killed in weekend collision
New police gang intervention specialist knows firsthand about getting involved with wrong crowd
Teen who worked as a cook is killed in shooting at Benson's Gallagher Park
Finally. Spring expected to return. No, really: Warmer-than-average weather in forecast
Four, including Omahan, vie for police chief position in Council Bluffs
Woodmen request would take nearly $40M in valuation from tax rolls
In TV ad, Shane Osborn says Ben Sasse 'beholden to Washington'
City Council OKs redevelopment plan for north downtown project
Rather than doing $250K in repairs, owner who lives in lot behind 94-year-old house in Dundee razes it
Kelly: New $24M UNO center embodies spirit of newlywed crash victim
Home alone: When burglar broke in, 12-year-old locked herself in bathroom, called 911
High school slam poets don't just recite verses, 'they leave their hearts beating on the stage'
Ben Sasse raises more money than U.S. Senate foes Shane Osborn and Sid Dinsdale
Sweet deal on suite use has MECA board looking at written rules
Inmate accused of partially tearing off another's testicles charged with assault
Crew working to disassemble International Nutrition plant
Lawyer: Man had right to hand out religious fliers outside Pinnacle Bank Arena
Firefighters put out duplex blaze in N.W. Omaha
Coffee with a Cop set for Thursday in Benson
Douglas County offices accepting credit, debit cards
Parched Omaha soil soaks up record precipitation
Engineering student harnesses girl power, starts engineering-science club at Gomez Elementary
WB Dodge Street lane closed
Ex-Omaha Mayor Hal Daub endorses Shane Osborn for U.S. Senate seat
< >
COLUMNISTS »
Kelly: New $24M UNO center embodies spirit of newlywed crash victim
Jessica Lutton Bedient was killed by a drunken driver at age 26 in 2010. Thursday, the widowed husband and other family members will gather with others at the University of Nebraska at Omaha to dedicate a permanent memorial to Jessica.
Breaking Brad: What do the moon, Colorado senators have in common?
How about that "blood red" moon Monday? It was as red as the eyes of a Colorado legislator.
Breaking Brad: Hey, Republicans, are you ready to be audited?
A quick list of audit red flags: 3) You fail to sign your return. 2) You fail to report income. 1) You are a registered Republican.
Breaking Brad: Next year, Bo Pelini brings a mountain lion to the spring game
Before the spring game, Bo Pelini carried a cat onto the field. With Bo's personality, it'd have been more appropriate for him to carry a mountain lion.
Breaking Brad: Bo Pelini's cat lets spring game intro go to its head
Coach Bo Pelini took the field before the spring game holding a cat aloft. Typical cat. He was undoubtedly thinking, “Sixty thousand people, all cheering for me!”
Deadline Deal thumbnail
Shoreline Golf Club
$40 for 2 Players, 18 Holes of Golf with Cart ($85 Value)
Buy Now
PHOTO GALLERIES »
< >
SPOTLIGHT »
Omaha World-Herald Contests
Enter for a chance to win great prizes.
OWH Store: Buy photos, books and articles
Buy photos, books and articles
Travel Snaps Photo
Going on Vacation? Take the Omaha World-Herald with you and you could the next Travel Snaps winner.
Click here to donate to Goodfellows
The 2011 Goodfellows fund drive provided holiday meals to nearly 5,000 families and their children, and raised more than $500,000 to help families in crisis year round.
WORLD-HERALD ALERTS »
Want to get World-Herald stories sent directly to your home or work computer? Sign up for Omaha.com's News Alerts and you will receive e-mails with the day's top stories.
Can't find what you need? Click here for site map »