Breaking Brad: Trash or treasure? Cast-iron dinosaur missing in Bluffs -
Published Monday, October 21, 2013 at 12:01 am / Updated at 11:06 am
Breaking Brad: Trash or treasure? Cast-iron dinosaur missing in Bluffs

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* At the Ak-Sar-Ben Coronation and Scholarship Ball on Saturday night, a new king and queen of Quivira were crowned. They are an auto mechanic from a local Jiffy Lube and a cocktail waitress at a South Omaha tavern ... just kidding.

* The king and queen of Ak-Sar-Ben are strictly ceremonial positions and perform no actual work or have any real responsibility. So it's like serving on the Omaha City Council.

* The Ak-Sar-Ben Ball was at the CenturyLink Center, and a zombie walk was held in Benson. I feel sorry for the guy who got confused and showed up for the Ak-Sar-Ben Ball dressed as a zombie.

* A reward has been offered for the return of 150-pound cast-iron dinosaur monument stolen from a front yard in Council Bluffs. It's unclear if it was taken by thieves or Keep America Beautiful.

* A new coin in Britain honoring Prince George has gone into circulation. This is the difference between the U.S. and Britain. In the U.S., to get your picture on a coin or bill, you must accomplish tremendous deeds; in Britain, if you're born into the right family, you just have to belch and poop into a diaper.

* It's bad enough that President Obama blames a lot of our problems on the George W. Bush administration. But now Obama is blaming issues with the Obamacare website on Al Gore for inventing the Internet.

* Reportedly, 467,000 people have attempted to sign up for Obamacare. I'd like to congratulate Roy of Sioux Falls and Sarah from San Diego as the only two people to navigate the website and complete the sign-up process.

* It's reported that 467,000 Americans have applied for Obamacare. Either that, or five Americans have attempted to sign up 467,000 times.

* The Obamacare website is referred to as the ACA site. Of course that stands for “Absolutely Can't Access.”

* To make matters worse, when you call tech support to report a problem with the U.S. Affordable Care Act Website, the phone is answered by some guy in India.

* Saturday night in the Rose Garden, President Obama hosted the wedding of the official White House photographer. Because Obama hosted the wedding, the rehearsal dinner was $5,000 per plate.

* President Obama plans to nominate a new Homeland Security chief. Obama is so enamored of celebrity that the two finalists were the actress who stars in “Castle” and Detective Munch from “Law and Order.”

* Sarah Palin said, “Doesn't it seem like we have a corrupt bastards club in D.C.?” Of course, as every U.S. voter knows, “corrupt bastard” is a euphemism for “elected representative.”

* Palin is right – there is a corrupt bastards club in Washington, D.C. I believe there's a 25-year waiting list to join.

* Good news for many: The Boston Red Sox have advanced to the World Series. Not so good news: Their beards are coming with them.

* On College GameDay, Bill Murray tackled Lee Corso. In a sign of the times, a humorless NCAA ref ran onto the set and ejected Murray for targeting.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

Attorney: Man accused of trying to open plane's door needs psychiatric evaluation
49-year-old sentenced to 40-50 years for attempted sex assault of child
Brothers looking for pot sentenced for violent home invasion
At Boys Town panel, experts stress it's never too early to educate children
Kelly: New $24M UNO center embodies spirit of newlywed crash victim
Gov. Heineman calls 2014 a 'very good year for Nebraska taxpayers'
Ex-Iowan behind landmark free speech case recounts story in Bellevue
Arrest made in teen's shooting death at Benson's Gallagher Park
Section of 50th Street to close for bridge demolition
Nikko Jenkins found guilty of 4 murders
Rather than doing $250K in repairs, owner who lives in lot behind 94-year-old house in Dundee razes it
Plans for new $16M YMCA in Council Bluffs at 'critical juncture'
Woodmen request would take nearly $40M in valuation from tax rolls
With fixed AC, Fort Calhoun's nuclear station ends brief shutdown
Windy day could make driving difficult on east-west roads
Richard Brown steps down as Charles Drew Health Center CEO
High school slam poets don't just recite verses, 'they leave their hearts beating on the stage'
OPD safety expo set for April 26
Database: How much did Medicare pay your doctor?
Crew working to disassemble International Nutrition plant
New public employee pay data: Douglas, Lancaster, Sarpy Counties, plus utilities
18-year-old arrested in stolen-car case
U.S. Senate candidate Bart McLeay trails his 3 GOP rivals in fundraising
86-year-old Holdrege man killed in weekend collision
New police gang intervention specialist knows firsthand about getting involved with wrong crowd
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Kelly: New $24M UNO center embodies spirit of newlywed crash victim
Jessica Lutton Bedient was killed by a drunken driver at age 26 in 2010. Thursday, the widowed husband and other family members will gather with others at the University of Nebraska at Omaha to dedicate a permanent memorial to Jessica.
Breaking Brad: How much would you pay for a corn dog?
The Arizona Diamondbacks have a new concession item: a $25 corn dog. For that kind of money, it should be stuffed with Bitcoin.
Breaking Brad: Pothole repair crew gets stuck in a pothole
In East Lansing, Mich., a pothole repair crew got stuck inside a pothole. How did this not happen in Omaha?
Breaking Brad: What do the moon, Colorado senators have in common?
How about that "blood red" moon Monday? It was as red as the eyes of a Colorado legislator.
Breaking Brad: Hey, Republicans, are you ready to be audited?
A quick list of audit red flags: 3) You fail to sign your return. 2) You fail to report income. 1) You are a registered Republican.
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