Breaking Brad: Are Ted Cruz and the House stenographer BFFs? - Omaha.com
Published Friday, October 18, 2013 at 1:31 pm / Updated at 1:56 pm
Breaking Brad: Are Ted Cruz and the House stenographer BFFs?

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read Brad's morning edition.

* A poll commissioned by the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee shows Pete Festersen with a narrow lead over Lee Terry. Now, consider the source. On Thursday, that same group released a separate poll showing that Bob Kerrey is closing the gap with Deb Fischer.

* There are more problems with the Obamacare website. People are signing up for the wrong plan, putting down inaccurate numbers and hitting send multiple times and getting duplicate policies. This is pretty much the cyber version of the maiden voyage of the Titanic.

* Federal government genius grants were awarded. The first went to some guy who was able to figure out the website to sign up for Obamacare.

* During the final vote to end the partial government shutdown, the House stenographer went on a nonsensical rant. Or, as Ted Cruz calls that, "a speech."

* Even the House stenographer can't stand being around those people.

* A new video shows Duchess Kate Middleton playing volleyball in platform wedges. That's when you know it's more of a photo op than a serious game. Very few serious athletes compete in wedges.

* Fox News' Ed Henry recently stormed out of a White House press briefing because White House spokesman Jay Carney refused to call on him. No word on why Carney refused to call on Henry, but I'm guessing it's because he works for Fox News.

* New York's attorney general is suing Trump University for supposedly steering students into useless seminars. I might need to have my lawyer talk to UNL about the 24 art history courses I took.

* The UFO spotted at a baseball game in Canada has been revealed as a hoax. Imagine if an actual UFO had landed on the pitcher's mound? That would have been the second most shocking story of the 2013 season, right after the Pittsburgh Pirates making the playoffs.

* A restaurant chain called Slater's 50/50 is selling a burger that's half-bacon, half-kangaroo. Americans figure if they eat enough of 'em, they'll grow a pouch to make it easier to carry their French fries home.

* The burger is half-bacon, half-kangaroo. If you eat them regularly, eventually you hop up to the drive-thru.

* It's official. Americans are now eating like a pack of starving lions on the African tundra.

* Vienna has banned people from kissing in public and talking loudly on cellphones. I'd write a joke here, but I'm rushing to catch the next plane to Vienna.

* Sad news: Kris and Bruce Jenner have separated. Having watched “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” a few times, if I'm Bruce, I'm not seeking custody of anyone.

* Nebraska announced a football series with Oregon for 2016 and 2017. Was Southern Mississippi unavailable? South Dakota State have a conflict?

* Creighton University has unveiled a new logo. It's a fan talking on a cellphone while sipping a latte.

* Tiger Woods' Jupiter Island, Fla., home is sinking. That's tough. One day, you're on top of the world; the next, you're divorced, sometimes struggling on the course and your home is a water hazard.

Also from Brad: Pete Festersen leads Lee Terry in (very opportunistic) poll

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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