Breaking Brad: It's the final countdown ... again! - Omaha.com
Published Wednesday, October 16, 2013 at 9:33 am / Updated at 9:50 am
Breaking Brad: It's the final countdown ... again!

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* Nebraska Sen. Mike Johanns was part of a Republican delegation that visited the White House to try to end the shutdown. That explains why, when a transcript of the meeting was released, it was just a bunch of snoring.

* There was just another glitch on the United Airlines website that allowed people to get flights for next to nothing. The glitches were so bad, I tried to book a flight to Orlando and somehow signed up for Obamacare.

* The Nobel Prize in Economics has been awarded to three Americans. How fast can we elect these people to Congress?

* At this point, it's clear that the “D” in “D.C.” stands for “Duh.”

* The U.S. Senate may, or may not, be closing in on a deal to raise the debt ceiling, 24 hours before the deadline. Hey, why the rush?

* The House failed, so now it's up to the Senate. Stop me if you've heard this one a million times before.

* Bill Clinton on the government stalemate: “Nobody's right all the time.” No, but the last time Congress got it right was nearly 200 years ago.

* Due to the two-week-plus government shutdown, many federal research projects have been canceled. The latest to go? The $11 billion study to determine whether bumble bees enjoy country music.

* Good news regarding the shutdown: The House is no longer leading efforts to end it. Bad news regarding the shutdown: Efforts are now being led by the Senate.

* The whole thing is getting ridiculous. Last night, the elephant and the donkey issued statements distancing themselves from the Republicans and Democrats.

* OK, here's how we settle it. Obama and Boehner, 18 holes of golf, winner take all. Tee off at 8 a.m. tomorrow. Let's get it on.

* During the shutdown, squirrels began feasting on Michelle Obama's kitchen garden after the employee who tended to it was furloughed. Beginning on Day 8, Joe Biden was tied to a stick and forced to act as a human scarecrow.

* The situation is so dire in Washington, D.C., with the debt ceiling approaching, that several members of Congress briefly stopped campaigning for their next election to pay attention.

* Members of Congress are optimistic they can reach a deal. I picture Charlie Brown, always optimistic he can kick the football until Lucy pulls it away at the last second.

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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