Breaking Brad: When in doubt, Festersen blames Lee Terry - Omaha.com
Published Monday, October 14, 2013 at 12:01 am / Updated at 12:42 pm
Breaking Brad: When in doubt, Festersen blames Lee Terry

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

* * * * * * * * * *

Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read Brad's morning jokes.

* Nebraska football announced a home-and-home series with Oregon to begin in 2016. And you were worried about the defense slowing Northwestern.


* A San Francisco fourth-grader wrote a letter to John Boehner urging an end to the shutdown. Of course conservatives just laughed it off. They're not about to listen to anyone from San Francisco.


* Congress is reportedly nearing disarray. Nearing? I think the disarray in Washington, D.C., began in 1791.


* Republicans and Democrats are reportedly $70 billion apart. Any two normal groups of people would divide the difference, settle in the middle at $35 billion and go out to dinner.


* The U.S. Senate just held a rare Sunday session. It's hoped that this will lead to something even rarer – a Senate accomplishment.


* Former Montana Gov. Brian Schweitzer compared the current situation in Washington to throwing "a skunk in the chicken coop." If he's comparing members of the current Congress to skunks, he owes an apology to skunks.


* I heard "a skunk in the chicken coop" and thought they brought in Ross Perot to mediate the thing.

* Omaha City Councilman Pete Festersen led the ceremony to cut the ribbon for Dundee's newly renovated streetscape in the historic business district. Then Festersen said if anything goes wrong with it, it's Lee Terry's fault.

* Pete Festersen announced he is running against Lee Terry in the 2014 congressional race. It's getting ugly fast. Festersen has already dug up dirt on his opponent – apparently Terry is a member of the current Congress.

* And, Terry is trying to smear Festersen by pointing out he's a member of the Omaha City Council.

* The Nobel Peace Prize has been awarded to the Organization for the Prohibition of Chemical Weapons. Sure, that name gave them the inside track. The Coalition to Party Till We Drop never stood a chance.

* Sarah Palin lashed out at Fox News. Isn't there an old adage about biting the only hand left that still feeds you?

* President Obama has quit smoking. Now that he no longer lights Obama's cigarettes, Vice President Biden has no remaining official duties.

* Dick Vitale got in trouble for something he posted to Twitter. I've been anticipating this since three seconds after the invention of Twitter.

* The New York Giants have begun the season 0-6 and don't appear to be the same team as in years past. They're now going by the nickname "They Might Be Giants.”

* The Jacksonville Jaguars have reportedly been using ball boys as scout team wide receivers in practice. The worst part: On Wednesday, a ball boy burned Jaguars' defensive backs for five TD receptions.

* On Sunday, the Chiefs sacked Raiders QB Terrelle Pryor 10 times. The first two times during pregame warmups.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

Civil rights hearing to consider voting policies in Midwest
Firefighters battle brush fire near Fontenelle Forest
17 senators in Nebraska Legislature hit their (term) limits
Convicted killer Nikko Jenkins might await his sentence in prison
It's a pursuit of pastel at Spring Lake Park's Easter egg hunt
Financial picture improving for city-owned Mid-America Center
No injuries after fire at midtown's old Mercer Mansion
29-year-old Omahan arrested for 22nd time in Lincoln
Police: Slaying of woman in Ralston apartment likely over drugs
Explosion near 29th, Woolworth damages vehicles
Omaha police arrest man, 19, accused in March shooting
Earth gets its day in the sun at Elmwood Park
Beau McCoy strikes Obama doll in TV ad; Democrats are not happy
Keystone XL pipeline backers blast 'political expediency' as foes hail ruling to delay decision
Nebraska senators to study tax issues over break
Portion of Saddle Creek Road closed after water main break
Teenager arrested after woman's purse is snatched outside Omaha store
Police identify 21-year-old shot in ankle near 30th, W Streets
Cult murderer's death row appeal denied, but execution in limbo
Interstate construction to cause lane shifts, closings in Omaha area
Kelly: A California university president returns to her Nebraska roots on Ivy Day
Omahan charged in fatal shooting in Benson neighborhood
Friday's attendance dips at Millard West after bathroom threat
High school slam poets don't just recite verses, 'they leave their hearts beating on the stage'
Crack ring's leaders join others in prison as a result of Operation Purple Haze
< >
COLUMNISTS »
Dickson’s Week in Review, April 13-19
On Twitter some guy tweeted that the spring game isn’t taken as seriously as a regular-season contest. What was your first clue? When the head coach entered waving a cat aloft?
Kelly: A California university president returns to her Nebraska roots on Ivy Day
The main speaker at today's Ivy Day celebration at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln is a college president who grew up roping calves and earned her Ph.D. at the prestigious Oxford University in England.
Breaking Brad: Stuck in a claw machine? You get no Easter candy
I know of one kid in Lincoln who will be receiving a lump of coal from the Easter Bunny, just as soon as he's extricated from that bowling alley claw machine.
Breaking Brad: Mountain lion season's over, but the bunny's fair game!
Thursday was the last day of a Nebraska Legislature session. Before leaving town, legislators passed a bill to hold a lottery to hunt the Easter Bunny.
Breaking Brad: At least my kid never got stuck inside a claw machine
We need a new rule in Lincoln. If your kid is discovered inside the claw machine at a bowling alley, you are forever barred from being nominated for "Mother of the Year."
Deadline Deal thumbnail
The Jaipur in Rockbrook Village
Half Off Fine Indian Cuisine & Drinks! $15 for Dinner, or $7 for Lunch
Buy Now
PHOTO GALLERIES »
< >
SPOTLIGHT »
Omaha World-Herald Contests
Enter for a chance to win great prizes.
OWH Store: Buy photos, books and articles
Buy photos, books and articles
Travel Snaps Photo
Going on Vacation? Take the Omaha World-Herald with you and you could the next Travel Snaps winner.
Click here to donate to Goodfellows
The 2011 Goodfellows fund drive provided holiday meals to nearly 5,000 families and their children, and raised more than $500,000 to help families in crisis year round.
WORLD-HERALD ALERTS »
Want to get World-Herald stories sent directly to your home or work computer? Sign up for Omaha.com's News Alerts and you will receive e-mails with the day's top stories.
Can't find what you need? Click here for site map »