Breaking Brad: Meet Ben Sasse, president of Hyperbole University - Omaha.com
Published Friday, October 11, 2013 at 8:21 am / Updated at 8:43 am
Breaking Brad: Meet Ben Sasse, president of Hyperbole University

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* On Thursday night, the International Space Station flew over Omaha. Of course, because it was Omaha air space, the space station was detoured to Wichita.

* With all of our potholes, from space, Omaha looks like the moon, only with more craters.

* An 8- to 10-ft hole opened up Wednesday night on Interstate 80 in Council Bluffs. Tourists who couldn't get into the closed Grand Canyon gathered 'round.

* Some national media descended on the Interstate hole. How cool would it have been if, when all the TV cameras went live from the hole, the Council Bluffs Teen Mom crawled out?

* This is new low for the area -- potholes that you'd have to be airlifted out of.

* Ben Sasse launched his bid for U.S. Senate in Nebraska by claiming that if Obamacare survives, the U.S. won't. Sasse is the president of Hyperbole University ... I mean, Midland University.

* The president of Midland University is running for Senate. Instead, Harvey Perlman should run, and he can pay down the federal debt by raising everybody's tuition.

* A new boxing gym is opening in West Omaha at 182nd Street and West Center Road. The goal is obviously to get kids off the mean streets of West 182nd.

* Americans are expected to spend $330 million this year on Halloween costumes for their pets. If the GOP finds out any of this is welfare money, the government may never reopen.

* Jesse “The Body” Ventura said he may run for president in 2016. You think there's a lot of acrimony in Washington, D.C., now -- wait until the president body-slams the Speaker of the House.

* The federal government shutdown is leading to all kinds of cutbacks. For example, on Thanksgiving, President Obama will pardon the White House goat.

* There is yet another federal government closure. The corner that John Boehner painted himself into is shutting down.

* Twenty House Republicans visited the White House on Thursday and talked with President Obama for 90 minutes. Then, Obama had to rush off for a two-hour visit with Soleil Moon Frye and Danny Bonaduce.

* Obama and members of the House met inside the White House Roosevelt Room. Why do they have to drag the name “Roosevelt” into this mess? Isn't there a White House Quayle Room or a Gilligan Room where it'd be more appropriate to meet?

* The meeting "went better than expected." That means no Republicans fell through trap doors at the White House, and after they left, nobody rang the White House doorbell and left burning dog poop on the porch.

* The Organization for the Prohibition of Chemical Weapons has won the 2013 Nobel Peace Prize. Dennis Rodman is demanding a recount.

* It's just one embarrassing mistake after another for Congress. Today, in an attempt to pay down our debt, members bet $1 trillion on Jacksonville to beat the Denver Broncos.

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

U.S. Senate candidate Bart McLeay trails his 3 GOP rivals in fundraising
86-year-old Holdrege man killed in weekend collision
New police gang intervention specialist knows firsthand about getting involved with wrong crowd
Teen who worked as a cook is killed in shooting at Benson's Gallagher Park
Finally. Spring expected to return. No, really: Warmer-than-average weather in forecast
Four, including Omahan, vie for police chief position in Council Bluffs
Woodmen request would take nearly $40M in valuation from tax rolls
In TV ad, Shane Osborn says Ben Sasse 'beholden to Washington'
City Council OKs redevelopment plan for north downtown project
Rather than doing $250K in repairs, owner who lives in lot behind 94-year-old house in Dundee razes it
Kelly: New $24M UNO center embodies spirit of newlywed crash victim
Home alone: When burglar broke in, 12-year-old locked herself in bathroom, called 911
High school slam poets don't just recite verses, 'they leave their hearts beating on the stage'
Ben Sasse raises more money than U.S. Senate foes Shane Osborn and Sid Dinsdale
Sweet deal on suite use has MECA board looking at written rules
Inmate accused of partially tearing off another's testicles charged with assault
Crew working to disassemble International Nutrition plant
Lawyer: Man had right to hand out religious fliers outside Pinnacle Bank Arena
Firefighters put out duplex blaze in N.W. Omaha
Coffee with a Cop set for Thursday in Benson
Douglas County offices accepting credit, debit cards
Parched Omaha soil soaks up record precipitation
Engineering student harnesses girl power, starts engineering-science club at Gomez Elementary
WB Dodge Street lane closed
Ex-Omaha Mayor Hal Daub endorses Shane Osborn for U.S. Senate seat
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COLUMNISTS »
Kelly: New $24M UNO center embodies spirit of newlywed crash victim
Jessica Lutton Bedient was killed by a drunken driver at age 26 in 2010. Thursday, the widowed husband and other family members will gather with others at the University of Nebraska at Omaha to dedicate a permanent memorial to Jessica.
Breaking Brad: What do the moon, Colorado senators have in common?
How about that "blood red" moon Monday? It was as red as the eyes of a Colorado legislator.
Breaking Brad: Hey, Republicans, are you ready to be audited?
A quick list of audit red flags: 3) You fail to sign your return. 2) You fail to report income. 1) You are a registered Republican.
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Before the spring game, Bo Pelini carried a cat onto the field. With Bo's personality, it'd have been more appropriate for him to carry a mountain lion.
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Coach Bo Pelini took the field before the spring game holding a cat aloft. Typical cat. He was undoubtedly thinking, “Sixty thousand people, all cheering for me!”
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