Breaking Brad: Why you wanna furlough the fish, D.C.? - Omaha.com
Published Thursday, October 10, 2013 at 10:40 am / Updated at 1:55 pm
Breaking Brad: Why you wanna furlough the fish, D.C.?

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* A section of Interstate 80 in Council Bluffs was closed Wednesday night after an 8- to 10-foot hole opened up. I'm guessing the hole was dug by beavers and moles who saw some Council Bluffs overpass artwork and tried to escape.

* Road crews worked all night to repair the huge hole, and the Interstate reopened ahead of schedule at 8 a.m. Thursday. Meanwhile, the 6-week Omaha project to repaint the lane markers on a three-block stretch of road has been delayed and will now take nine and a half months.

* A third Sam's Club will open in the Omaha area in 2014. At the current rate, by that time, there will only be two streets that are still open in town to try to get there.

* A Stromsburg, Neb., woman lost 100 pounds with the help of The World-Herald's Live Well team. Hey, get back to me when you've got some real progress to report.

* Mayor Jean Stothert's new puppy Lily is undergoing paper training. Not surprisingly, Lily is being trained to go on old World-Herald articles about former fire chief Mike McDonnell.

* Stothert will soon have Lily paper-trained. Don't knock it -- we've had mayors that didn't accomplish this much in their entire term.

* The Nobel Prize in Literature has been awarded. In a sad sign of the times, it went to some guy in Pittsburgh who composed a really good tweet.

* Samuel L. Jackson ripped President Obama. If there's ever a “Snakes On A Plane II,” members of the Obama administration plan to skip it. Along with the rest of the world.

* Sen. Chuck Grassley of Iowa, who's 80 and the second-oldest member of U.S. Senate, is running for re-election. He will be traveling the state in a bus with its left turn signal on the entire way.

* At an immigration rally on Tuesday, eight Democratic congressmen were arrested. Eight Democratic members of Congress were arrested in one day. Well, Obama did call for a return to normalcy in Washington.

* It says everything you need to know about the current Congress when the vote to end the shutdown is delayed until House members can make bail.

* During an interview about the government shutdown, Indiana Republican Rep. Todd Rokita told CNN's Carol Costello she's beautiful. Nice to see members of Congress haven't let the pending collapse of the world economy get in the way of flirting.

* President Obama held a “secret meeting” with a small group of conservative journalists. The meeting was so secret that Fox News waited a full 15 minutes to promote what it recorded on a hidden mini-cam: “Obama Tells All: The President's Secret Words. Don't miss the three-hour special.”

* The National Aquarium is closing after 128 years. You know the situation is bad in Washington when fish are furloughed.

* Lady Gaga took to Twitter to tell her followers to sign up for Obamacare. In appreciation of Gaga, the president is amending Obamacare to include full coverage for anyone injured falling off 9-inch platform heels.

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

Agreement reached to end dog racing at Bluffs Run at end of 2015
Video: Stothert says Crossroads project is 'full speed ahead,' but she won't support bond issue
'Fairly old' human skull found in Mills County
World champion Crawford's promoter working to have title defense at CenturyLink Center
Police i.d. body found near 36th, Seward Streets
Kelly: Started at a dining room table, Home Instead thriving at 20 with $1B in annual revenue
Omaha crash victim, 19, had touched many lives
Firefighters take on 'fully engulfed barn fire'
Council Bluffs school board approves new district headquarters
Officials announce effort to lure more veterans to Nebraska
SB 132nd Street lane closed
Shane Osborn grabs several endorsements
New public employee pay data: Douglas, Lancaster, Sarpy Counties, plus utilities
Database: How much did Medicare pay your doctor?
Omaha area may get 1 inch of rain tonight
Gov. Heineman vetoes bill to ease restrictions on nurse practitioners
Nebraska banking and finance director to retire
Waitress who served alcohol to teen before fatal crash gets jail time, probation
Owners of exotic dance bar deny prostitution allegations
More Nebraskans are electing to vote early
A day after Ricketts endorsement, Ted Cruz backs Sasse for Senate
Some city streets remain closed
Nebraska's U.S. Senate candidates stick to familiar topics at Omaha forum
19-year-old killed in one-vehicle crash at 72nd & Shirley
8% of alcohol sellers checked in Omaha area last week sold booze to minors
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COLUMNISTS »
Kelly: Started at a dining room table, Home Instead thriving at 20 with $1B in annual revenue
The idea that Paul Hogan had studied and then hatched at his mother's table was that older people, rather than moving in with relatives or to an assisted-living center, would much prefer to stay home instead.
Breaking Brad: Nebraska GOP candidates unified against naked squirrels
Some of these Nebraska campaigns are tilting pretty far right. At a recent forum, there was a consensus that we need to ban public dancing and clothe naked squirrels in public parks.
Breaking Brad: Inside the mind of a 99-year-old real estate agent
I saw an article about a 99-year-old real estate agent who's still working. “This house is extra special. It has indoor toilets!”
Breaking Brad: Into the claw machine! Florida kid follows Lincoln kid's lead
In Fort Lauderdale, Fla., a child climbed inside a claw machine. Hey, Florida kid: Nobody likes a copycat.
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The Nebraska campaigns have turned so ugly, Democrat Chuck Hassebrook lobbed unfounded accusations at an imaginary opponent.
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