Breaking Brad: Free French fries alert, free French fries alert - Omaha.com
Published Thursday, October 10, 2013 at 1:59 pm / Updated at 3:11 pm
Breaking Brad: Free French fries alert, free French fries alert

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read his morning jokes.

* A hole 8- to 10-feet deep opened up on Interstate 80 in Council Bluffs overnight. Before road crews could fix it, a new Scooters and a Walgreens opened inside.

* An 8- to 10-foot "pothole" opened up on Interstate 80 in Council Bluffs. That's not a pothole; it's a basement.

* Because we're running out of funds to repair roads, in Omaha, we'd just put up a sign reading "Dip."

* House Republicans are suggesting a new use for NASA's 55-foot robotic arm. They want to use it to pull President Obama out of the White House and force him to negotiate.

* As a result of the shutdown, most government research has been halted. Oh, no. Now, we'll never learn the results of that $20 billion study to see if mice can be taught to cha cha.

* This weekend, Burger Kings are giving away free Satisfries. Well, that's a step in the right direction. National parks are closed, but you show me one American who'd rather visit a stupid waterfall or geyser than get a free bag of fries.

* Free Satisfries. The line at the Dodge Street Burger King is expected to stretch to Chimney Rock.

* The New York Times reports the NSA is checking Americans' Facebook accounts. After studying our Facebook accounts on a daily basis for many months, the NSA has reached a conclusion: Americans are really messed up.

* The NSA is checking our Facebook accounts. This may be the first good reason to keep that Myspace account open.

* I'm going to update my status to “Suspicious."

* Mick Jagger is about to become a great-grandfather. That's when you know you're a little old to still be wearing tights.

* A Houston restaurant offered a “Matt Schaub burger,” where you “pick six” ingredients. Not only that, but there are also plans for a “Tony Romo burger,” where the waiter fumbles it all over you.

* A Los Angeles Dodgers fan is so into the team, he got a huge tattoo of Dodger Stadium over his entire head. And even this guy leaves in the eighth inning to beat traffic.

Also from Brad: Why you wanna furlough the fish, D.C.?

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

Beau McCoy calls Pete Ricketts a 'convenient conservative' for immigration stance
Police ID body found near 36th, Seward Streets
Agreement reached to end dog racing at Bluffs Run at end of 2015
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Hail, strong winds, heavy rain hit south-central Nebraska
Video: Stothert says Crossroads project is 'full speed ahead,' but she won't support bond issue
'Fairly old' human skull found in Mills County
Kelly: Started at a dining room table, Home Instead thriving at 20 with $1B in annual revenue
Omaha crash victim, 19, had touched many lives
Firefighters take on 'fully engulfed barn fire'
Council Bluffs school board approves new district headquarters
Officials announce effort to lure more veterans to Nebraska
SB 132nd Street lane closed
Shane Osborn grabs several endorsements
New public employee pay data: Douglas, Lancaster, Sarpy Counties, plus utilities
Database: How much did Medicare pay your doctor?
Omaha area may get 1 inch of rain tonight
Gov. Heineman vetoes bill to ease restrictions on nurse practitioners
Nebraska banking and finance director to retire
Waitress who served alcohol to teen before fatal crash gets jail time, probation
Owners of exotic dance bar deny prostitution allegations
More Nebraskans are electing to vote early
A day after Ricketts endorsement, Ted Cruz backs Sasse for Senate
Some city streets remain closed
Nebraska's U.S. Senate candidates stick to familiar topics at Omaha forum
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COLUMNISTS »
Kelly: Started at a dining room table, Home Instead thriving at 20 with $1B in annual revenue
The idea that Paul Hogan had studied and then hatched at his mother's table was that older people, rather than moving in with relatives or to an assisted-living center, would much prefer to stay home instead.
Breaking Brad: Nebraska GOP candidates unified against naked squirrels
Some of these Nebraska campaigns are tilting pretty far right. At a recent forum, there was a consensus that we need to ban public dancing and clothe naked squirrels in public parks.
Breaking Brad: Inside the mind of a 99-year-old real estate agent
I saw an article about a 99-year-old real estate agent who's still working. “This house is extra special. It has indoor toilets!”
Breaking Brad: Into the claw machine! Florida kid follows Lincoln kid's lead
In Fort Lauderdale, Fla., a child climbed inside a claw machine. Hey, Florida kid: Nobody likes a copycat.
Breaking Brad: Even Chuck Hassebrook's throwing mud!
The Nebraska campaigns have turned so ugly, Democrat Chuck Hassebrook lobbed unfounded accusations at an imaginary opponent.
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