Breaking Brad: Get an Old Market urinal named after you! -
Published Wednesday, October 9, 2013 at 9:40 am / Updated at 10:39 am
Breaking Brad: Get an Old Market urinal named after you!

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at and follow him on Twitter.

* * * * * * * * * *

Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* It's reported that Pete Festersen may run for Lee Terry's congressional seat after all. The best attributes Festersen could have going for him is if he doesn't have a nice house and a kid in college.

* Suggestion for Festersen's campaign slogan: "I live in a cheap apartment, and my kid goes to trade school."

* Breaking news: President Obama is sending peacekeeping forces to get between Dominic Raiola and the Wisconsin band.

* A new bar in the Old Market will allow you to name a urinal for a $500 donation. Sign No. 1 you may have narcissistic tendencies: You go around bragging, “See that urinal in the men's room? It's named for me.”

* When I think of how I want to be remembered, having my name on the side of an Old Market urinal ranks right behind having a type of ingrown nose hair named for me.

* The NASA probe Voyager 1, launched 36 years ago, has left our solar system. At last report, it was still able to pick up KFAB on the radio dial.

* As part of his 36-month probation on burglary charges, a 21-year-old Carroll, Neb., man was ordered not to date. It makes no sense to turn around and reward the guy.

* In Iowa City, a man whose last name is “Fudge” has been charged with stealing ice cream. I really have nothing to add here.

* Discussion continues about reports Condoleezza Rice will be named to the college football playoff committee. You could do a lot worse than Condi Rice. Imagine if Dick Cheney was named? On day No. 2, the college football committee would invade Iraq.

* Two Americans have shared the Nobel Prize in Medicine with a German. In a sign of the times, the tie will be broken on "Wipeout."

* The Nobel Peace Prize is about to be awarded. As everyone knows, it's a two-person race between Angela Merkel and Dennis Rodman.

* Eight Democratic U.S. congressmen were arrested in Washington, D.C., on Tuesday during an immigration rally. I think it says all you need to know about Congress when there's a good chance that when the historic vote to end the shutdown occurs, 8 guys will be Skyping from jail.

* The new $100 bills went into circulation Tuesday. The bills depict John Boehner and Harry Reid with their arms around each other's necks.

* I wouldn't say that John Boehner has been weakened, but he just appeared on “Bob The Builder” and cable access channel 1222 to explain his position on the government shutdown.

* There is a glimmer of hope to end the government shutdown. A short-term spending bill may pass, which would reopen the government from the time that Sen. Ted Cruz begins giving a speech to the time Sen. Ted Cruz stops giving a speech.

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

Crack ring's leaders join others in prison as a result of Operation Purple Haze
A voice of experience: Ex-gang member helps lead fight against Omaha violence
Church is pressing its case for old Temple Israel site
OPPD board holding public forum, open house May 7
Intoxicated man with pellet gun climbs billboard's scaffold; is arrested
Saturday forecast opens window for gardening; Easter egg hunts look iffy on Sunday
Last day of 2014 Legislature: Praise, passage of a last few bills and more on mountain lions
The thrill of the skill: Omaha hosts statewide contest for students of the trades
'The war is not over,' Chambers says, but legislative session about is
A recap of what got done — and what didn't — in the 2014 legislative session
PAC funded by Senate candidate Ben Sasse's great-uncle releases Shane Osborn attack ad
Teen killed at Gallagher Park was shot in head as he sat in SUV, friend who was wounded says
When judge asks, Nikko Jenkins says ‘I killed them’
New UNO center strengthens ties between campus, community
Threat found in Millard West bathroom deemed 'not credible'
New public employee pay data: Douglas, Lancaster, Sarpy Counties, plus utilities
Nebrasks health officials to advertise jobs via drive-thru
Coral Walker named Omaha police officer of the year
Sarah Palin, Mike Lee coming to Nebraska for Ben Sasse rally
Prescription drug drop-off is April 26
Database: How much did Medicare pay your doctor?
Rather than doing $250K in repairs, owner who lives in lot behind 94-year-old house in Dundee razes it
NB 30th Street lane closed
State Patrol, Omaha police conduct vehicle inspections
Bernie Kanger formally promoted to Omaha fire chief
< >
Breaking Brad: At least my kid never got stuck inside a claw machine
We need a new rule in Lincoln. If your kid is discovered inside the claw machine at a bowling alley, you are forever barred from being nominated for "Mother of the Year."
Breaking Brad: How many MECA board members can we put in a luxury suite?
As a stunt at the Blue Man Group show, MECA board members are going to see how many people they can stuff into one luxury suite.
Kelly: Creighton's McDermotts put good faces on an Omaha tradition
A comical roast Wednesday night in Omaha brought fans of Creighton basketball laughter by the bucketful. This time it was McJokes, not McBuckets, that entertained the Bluejay crowd.
Kelly: New $24M UNO center embodies spirit of newlywed crash victim
Jessica Lutton Bedient was killed by a drunken driver at age 26 in 2010. Thursday, the widowed husband and other family members will gather with others at the University of Nebraska at Omaha to dedicate a permanent memorial to Jessica.
Breaking Brad: How much would you pay for a corn dog?
The Arizona Diamondbacks have a new concession item: a $25 corn dog. For that kind of money, it should be stuffed with Bitcoin.
Deadline Deal thumbnail
The Jaipur in Rockbrook Village
Half Off Fine Indian Cuisine & Drinks! $15 for Dinner, or $7 for Lunch
Buy Now
< >
Omaha World-Herald Contests
Enter for a chance to win great prizes.
OWH Store: Buy photos, books and articles
Buy photos, books and articles
Travel Snaps Photo
Going on Vacation? Take the Omaha World-Herald with you and you could the next Travel Snaps winner.
Click here to donate to Goodfellows
The 2011 Goodfellows fund drive provided holiday meals to nearly 5,000 families and their children, and raised more than $500,000 to help families in crisis year round.
Want to get World-Herald stories sent directly to your home or work computer? Sign up for's News Alerts and you will receive e-mails with the day's top stories.
Can't find what you need? Click here for site map »