Breaking Brad: Get an Old Market urinal named after you! - Omaha.com
Published Wednesday, October 9, 2013 at 9:40 am / Updated at 10:39 am
Breaking Brad: Get an Old Market urinal named after you!

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* It's reported that Pete Festersen may run for Lee Terry's congressional seat after all. The best attributes Festersen could have going for him is if he doesn't have a nice house and a kid in college.

* Suggestion for Festersen's campaign slogan: "I live in a cheap apartment, and my kid goes to trade school."

* Breaking news: President Obama is sending peacekeeping forces to get between Dominic Raiola and the Wisconsin band.

* A new bar in the Old Market will allow you to name a urinal for a $500 donation. Sign No. 1 you may have narcissistic tendencies: You go around bragging, “See that urinal in the men's room? It's named for me.”

* When I think of how I want to be remembered, having my name on the side of an Old Market urinal ranks right behind having a type of ingrown nose hair named for me.

* The NASA probe Voyager 1, launched 36 years ago, has left our solar system. At last report, it was still able to pick up KFAB on the radio dial.

* As part of his 36-month probation on burglary charges, a 21-year-old Carroll, Neb., man was ordered not to date. It makes no sense to turn around and reward the guy.

* In Iowa City, a man whose last name is “Fudge” has been charged with stealing ice cream. I really have nothing to add here.

* Discussion continues about reports Condoleezza Rice will be named to the college football playoff committee. You could do a lot worse than Condi Rice. Imagine if Dick Cheney was named? On day No. 2, the college football committee would invade Iraq.

* Two Americans have shared the Nobel Prize in Medicine with a German. In a sign of the times, the tie will be broken on "Wipeout."

* The Nobel Peace Prize is about to be awarded. As everyone knows, it's a two-person race between Angela Merkel and Dennis Rodman.

* Eight Democratic U.S. congressmen were arrested in Washington, D.C., on Tuesday during an immigration rally. I think it says all you need to know about Congress when there's a good chance that when the historic vote to end the shutdown occurs, 8 guys will be Skyping from jail.

* The new $100 bills went into circulation Tuesday. The bills depict John Boehner and Harry Reid with their arms around each other's necks.

* I wouldn't say that John Boehner has been weakened, but he just appeared on “Bob The Builder” and cable access channel 1222 to explain his position on the government shutdown.

* There is a glimmer of hope to end the government shutdown. A short-term spending bill may pass, which would reopen the government from the time that Sen. Ted Cruz begins giving a speech to the time Sen. Ted Cruz stops giving a speech.

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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