Breaking Brad: 9-year-old takes on TSA ... and wins! -
Published Wednesday, October 9, 2013 at 1:48 pm / Updated at 2:14 pm
Breaking Brad: 9-year-old takes on TSA ... and wins!

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read Brad's morning jokes.

* Good news: Gas in much of Omaha has dropped below $3 per gallon. Not-so-good news: If the government shutdown continues much longer, so will most of your stocks.

* Eight members of Congress were arrested at an immigration rally Tuesday. Because eight members were arrested in one day, Congress has been named an honorary SEC team.

* Congress has one week to raise the debt limit, and eight members were arrested for protesting at an immigration rally. Yeah, that sounds about right.

* Congress has seven days to raise the $16.7 trillion debt ceiling. These are people who take five days to tie their shoes.

* Meanwhile, the House gym remains open. There's just something wrong about the government being shut down while our elected representatives do Jazzercise.

* Ted Nugent said: "The government is so out of control. It is so bloated and infested with fraud and deceit and corruption and abuse of power." This thing has dragged on for so long, Ted Nugent is starting to make sense.

* Some unhappy fans showed up at the home of Houston Texans QB Matt Schaub. Let me explain something real quick: In Texas, sometimes there's a fine line between "fans" and "unruly mob."

* A 9-year-old Minnesota boy got past airport security and took a flight to Las Vegas without a ticket. A 9-year-old outsmarted TSA agents. Yeah, that sounds about right.

* I'll tell you one thing: No 7-year-olds are getting past our crack airport security. That is not happening.

* A testicle-eating fish has been found in a lake in New Jersey. You thought you hated going to the company picnic before.

* An estimated 1.3 tons of cocaine was found on a commercial airline flight inside 30 suitcases, with a street value of $270 million. Unfortunately, to check 30 suitcases, the airline charged $2.4 million.

* In a desperate attempt to stop the Denver Broncos' offense, several NFL teams are trying to sign the North Dakota State defense.

* Dick Vitale was in hot water for comparing NCAA football players who accept money to prostitutes. I only hope having their name appear in the same sentence with “NCAA” doesn't harm the reputation of prostitutes.

* Former Miami teammate Channing Crowder said Ricky Williams smoked marijuana the night before he ran for a Dolphins-record 228 yards. If marijuana was really a performance-enhancer, Willie Nelson would be a seven-time Tour de France champion.

Also from Brad: Get an Old Market urinal named after you!

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

19-year-old arrested in connection with March shooting
17 senators in Nebraska Legislature hit their (term) limits
Keystone XL pipeline backers blast 'political expediency' as foes hail ruling to delay decision
29-year-old Omahan arrested for 22nd time in Lincoln
Nebraska senators to study tax issues over break
Portion of Saddle Creek Road closed after water main break
Teenager arrested after woman's purse is snatched outside Omaha store
Police identify 21-year-old shot in ankle near 30th, W Streets
Cult murderer's death row appeal denied, but execution in limbo
Beau McCoy strikes Obama doll in TV ad; Democrats are not happy
Police: Slaying of woman in Ralston apartment likely over drugs
Interstate construction to cause lane shifts, closings in Omaha area
Kelly: A California university president returns to her Nebraska roots on Ivy Day
Omahan charged in fatal shooting in Benson neighborhood
Friday's attendance dips at Millard West after bathroom threat
High school slam poets don't just recite verses, 'they leave their hearts beating on the stage'
Crack ring's leaders join others in prison as a result of Operation Purple Haze
Haze in area comes from Kansas, Oklahoma
Man taken into custody in domestic dispute
Omaha judge reprimanded for intervening in peer attorney's DUI case
Intoxicated man with pellet gun climbs billboard's scaffold; is arrested
Police seek public's help in finding an armed man
Saturday forecast opens window for gardening; Easter egg hunts look iffy on Sunday
Database: How much did Medicare pay your doctor?
Last day of 2014 Legislature: Praise, passage of a last few bills and more on mountain lions
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Kelly: A California university president returns to her Nebraska roots on Ivy Day
The main speaker at today's Ivy Day celebration at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln is a college president who grew up roping calves and earned her Ph.D. at the prestigious Oxford University in England.
Breaking Brad: Stuck in a claw machine? You get no Easter candy
I know of one kid in Lincoln who will be receiving a lump of coal from the Easter Bunny, just as soon as he's extricated from that bowling alley claw machine.
Breaking Brad: Mountain lion season's over, but the bunny's fair game!
Thursday was the last day of a Nebraska Legislature session. Before leaving town, legislators passed a bill to hold a lottery to hunt the Easter Bunny.
Breaking Brad: At least my kid never got stuck inside a claw machine
We need a new rule in Lincoln. If your kid is discovered inside the claw machine at a bowling alley, you are forever barred from being nominated for "Mother of the Year."
Breaking Brad: How many MECA board members can we put in a luxury suite?
As a stunt at the Blue Man Group show, MECA board members are going to see how many people they can stuff into one luxury suite.
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