Breaking Brad: 9-year-old takes on TSA ... and wins! - Omaha.com
Published Wednesday, October 9, 2013 at 1:48 pm / Updated at 2:14 pm
Breaking Brad: 9-year-old takes on TSA ... and wins!

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read Brad's morning jokes.

* Good news: Gas in much of Omaha has dropped below $3 per gallon. Not-so-good news: If the government shutdown continues much longer, so will most of your stocks.

* Eight members of Congress were arrested at an immigration rally Tuesday. Because eight members were arrested in one day, Congress has been named an honorary SEC team.

* Congress has one week to raise the debt limit, and eight members were arrested for protesting at an immigration rally. Yeah, that sounds about right.

* Congress has seven days to raise the $16.7 trillion debt ceiling. These are people who take five days to tie their shoes.

* Meanwhile, the House gym remains open. There's just something wrong about the government being shut down while our elected representatives do Jazzercise.

* Ted Nugent said: "The government is so out of control. It is so bloated and infested with fraud and deceit and corruption and abuse of power." This thing has dragged on for so long, Ted Nugent is starting to make sense.

* Some unhappy fans showed up at the home of Houston Texans QB Matt Schaub. Let me explain something real quick: In Texas, sometimes there's a fine line between "fans" and "unruly mob."

* A 9-year-old Minnesota boy got past airport security and took a flight to Las Vegas without a ticket. A 9-year-old outsmarted TSA agents. Yeah, that sounds about right.

* I'll tell you one thing: No 7-year-olds are getting past our crack airport security. That is not happening.

* A testicle-eating fish has been found in a lake in New Jersey. You thought you hated going to the company picnic before.

* An estimated 1.3 tons of cocaine was found on a commercial airline flight inside 30 suitcases, with a street value of $270 million. Unfortunately, to check 30 suitcases, the airline charged $2.4 million.

* In a desperate attempt to stop the Denver Broncos' offense, several NFL teams are trying to sign the North Dakota State defense.

* Dick Vitale was in hot water for comparing NCAA football players who accept money to prostitutes. I only hope having their name appear in the same sentence with “NCAA” doesn't harm the reputation of prostitutes.

* Former Miami teammate Channing Crowder said Ricky Williams smoked marijuana the night before he ran for a Dolphins-record 228 yards. If marijuana was really a performance-enhancer, Willie Nelson would be a seven-time Tour de France champion.

Also from Brad: Get an Old Market urinal named after you!

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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Thursday was the last day of a Nebraska Legislature session. Before leaving town, legislators passed a bill to hold a lottery to hunt the Easter Bunny.
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We need a new rule in Lincoln. If your kid is discovered inside the claw machine at a bowling alley, you are forever barred from being nominated for "Mother of the Year."
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