Breaking Brad: Alaska town reeling after honorary cat mayor attacked by dog - Omaha.com
Published Monday, October 7, 2013 at 12:01 am / Updated at 11:10 am
Breaking Brad: Alaska town reeling after honorary cat mayor attacked by dog

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* On Friday, part of Lincoln Boulevard in Omaha was closed due to the resurfacing of Dodge Street. As if the road work in Omaha wasn't bad enough, now there's collateral damage.

* The honorary mayor of Talkeetna, Alaska, is a 16-year-old cat named Stubbs, who is expected to recover after being attacked by a dog. If the dog happens to be the fire chief of Talkeetna, I think Talkeetna and Omaha have a lot in common.

* The honorary mayor of Talkeetna, Alaska, is a 16-year-old cat. That's ridiculous. Preposterous. Nonsensical. However, I do feel the cat could serve in the Nebraska Legislature.

* According to one analyst, the government shutdown will end when we're at “the brink of Armageddon.” So it's nice to hear that cooler heads will prevail. We just have to wait for the brink of Armageddon.

* To be fair, members of Congress are having to sacrifice during the government shutdown, too. Rep. Lee Terry had to lay off his personal chef and sommelier.

* There is good news about Obamacare. It does cover Lee Terry's bill for extricating his foot from his mouth.

* Last week Rep. Lee Terry said he “cannot handle” giving up his paycheck during the shutdown because “I've got a nice house and a kid in college.” On Sunday, Terry apologized for his comments said he will forego his paycheck. He did some soul searching, which is very surprising because I was reasonably certain nobody in the current Congress had a soul.

* It's a good thing he apologized. I gotta tell you, another 5,000, maybe 10,000 inflammatory comments like that and Terry could be vulnerable in the next election.

* The House of Representatives voted 407-0 to give back pay to furloughed workers. I saw 407-0 and assumed it was the score of the Alabama-Georgia State game.

* Democrats and Republicans in Congress are trying to end their bickering by communicating on Twitter. OK, I've found the problem.

* Democrats and Republicans in Congress have been releasing statements on Twitter. Apparently there isn't enough name-calling during the government shutdown; we have to bring Twitter into the equation.

* We're entering week two of the government shutdown. Or, as I like to call it: Doofusgate.

* Now the debate has shifted to the debt ceiling, which needs to be lifted by Oct. 17. Washington, D.C., is like weather in Nebraska. If you don't like the current screw-up, just wait an hour and there will be a new screw-up.

* Congress is charged with simultaneously ending the government shutdown and raising the debt ceiling. These are people who have trouble walking and chewing gum at the same time.

* What a season Peyton Manning is having. On Sunday against the Cowboys, while he was scoring on a bootleg run he filmed two new commercials.

* The Ravens' Jacoby Jones has recovered from an incident on a party bus in which he was hit in the head by a bottle wielded by a woman named “Sweet Pea,” who, I am guessing, is not an accountant.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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