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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* This weekend is UNL's homecoming. Bo Pelini selected the homecoming theme: @#$% #$%# #&*@!
* Before the Huskers' homecoming game Saturday, there will be free coffee for UNL alumni in the Wick Center. Of course, alumni can't get tickets; those all went to big boosters. But enjoy the Sanka, folks.
* On behalf of UNL alumni, let me just say, it's too much! After spending $40K on an education, you offer us free coffee? Half-priced cream would suffice.
* The Husker homecoming parade will travel at 2 mph. Or, as we call that in Omaha with all the road work: "rush hour."
* A sure sign that fall has arrived: Parts of the Nebraskan Panhandle are expecting up to 18 inches of snow.
* Things people new to Omaha say, No. 1: "I can't believe they missed the weather forecast."
* A quick warning for any visitors to eastern Nebraska: If you see the color red on a weather map, it has nothing to do with Saturday's Husker game.
* This fall, Douglas County is rolling out a pilot program for repeat alcohol offenders. If you fail one test for alcohol, you go to jail. If you fail two tests, you go to Congress.
* The Great Omaha Chocolate Festival is Sunday. This will be followed on Monday by PimpleFest 2013.
* President Obama has canceled his scheduled trip to Asia for something more important. So it sounds like he's either gonna be playing golf with Matt Lauer or mediating the Miley Cyrus-Sinead O'Connor feud.
* Due to the government shutdown and financial crisis, Obama was scheduled to stay at the Brunei Super 8.
* As a result of the federal government shutdown, everything in Washington, D.C., has slowed. For example, now the U.S. Postal Service is only able to request a rate increase every other day.
* The big problem with ending the shutdown? The two sides are not communicating very much. John Boehner tried calling President Obama on Obama's cellphone, but he was playing "Words With Friends" with the president of Iran.
* President Obama has quit his cigarette habit. First thing I thought of was that guy in "Airplane!" who said, "I picked the wrong week to quit smoking."
* Obama has stopped smoking, but not for health reasons. With all the federal government shutdown, he can't afford the cigarette tax.