Breaking Brad: Can Obamacare help cook my Thanksgiving turkey? - Omaha.com
Published Wednesday, October 2, 2013 at 10:29 am / Updated at 11:02 am
Breaking Brad: Can Obamacare help cook my Thanksgiving turkey?

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* Effective this morning, there's now head-to-head traffic in one lane each for westbound and eastbound drivers on Fort Street from Templeton Drive to 90th Street. Of course, this is the same basic principle behind the demolition derby.

* These Omaha road closures are getting ridiculous. I asked one crew why the street was closed. They said "pebble inventory."

* About 1,200 feet of copper wiring was reported stolen from Interstate lights near 41st Street and Interstate 480 in Council Bluffs. Because the randomly strewn lights were over a Bluffs Interstate, it was mistaken for art.

* Hillary Clinton told New York Magazine a decision to run for president is not one to be taken lightly. Newt Gingrich said: “Since when?"

* As a result of the government shutdown, Washington, D.C.'s National Zoo has closed. Idea: Furlough a couple grizzlies to the House floor and see how fast Congress comes around.

* Also because of the shutdown, the Zoo's baby panda cam has gone dark. You can lay off our federal workers, damage our 401Ks and shutter the national parks, but when you deny Americans the right to view baby pandas, you've gone too far.

* Come Election Day, we'll remember that the baby panda cam went dark. We'll forget everything else...

* I object to Congress getting paid. I don't just mean during the shutdown; I object to Congress getting paid, period.

* The D.C. acrimony has reached a new low. Not only did President Obama reject the House Republicans' proposal to restore government funding piecemeal, but for his formal response, he folded it into a paper airplane and sailed it out the Oval Office window.

* In an attempt to avert a government shutdown, Democrats took out paid Facebook ads targeting 27 Republican members of Congress. Regular Facebook users are tittering: "They paid for the Facebook ads. Who does that?"

* Despite the government shutdown, prison guards and air traffic controllers will remain on the job. Good choice.

* The Grand Canyon is closed. It's considered one of the world's Seven Natural Wonders. There is actually a new seventh wonder: when a Democrat and Republican in Washington agree on anything.

* In event of a protracted government shutdown, the VA says veterans' benefits would stop. Just so members of Congress retain access to the House hot tub.

* Obamacare marketplaces were formally rolled out Tuesday. The first death panel was seated: the ladies of "The View."

* There are complaints the Obamacare sign-up website is slow. To put it in perspective, if you try to sign up just as Sen. Ted Cruz begins a filibuster, by the time you're done, he'll have finished.

* There is a ton of confusion about Obamacare. For example, there is a 1-800 hotline to field questions. Of the 81,000 calls the first day, 40,000 were from people asking how to cook a Thanksgiving turkey.

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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