* * * * * * * * * *
Brad's morning edition. Check back later today for his afternoon jokes.
* The Dodge Street roadwork in Omaha is expected to be finished ahead of schedule. Sorry, I just fell out of my chair.
* Some road construction in Omaha will be finished ahead of schedule, thus proving even a blind squirrel sometimes finds the acorn.
* The headline "Omaha Roadwork To Be Completed Ahead of Schedule" is seen slightly less often than "Man Bites Dog."
* But first, lane closures on Dodge Street have switched to the opposite side this week. It's part of our city traffic engineers' "Operation Confused Yet, Omaha?"
* The Council Bluffs "Teen Mom" has a new line of sex toys. Chalk up another success story for that Council Bluffs Young Entrepreneurs club.
* In Dallas on Monday, Mark Cuban's trial for alleged insider trading got underway. The prosecutors' dream jury would include five or six people who were humiliated on "Shark Tank."
* There's good and bad news in Washington. First, the bad news: the federal government has shut down. Now, the good news: the federal government has shut down.
* The federal government has shut down. That's the big story in Washington, D.C. Of course "D.C." stands for "Dumb Congress."
* I knew it didn't look good last night shortly before midnight when C-SPAN cut to the House and several members were twerking.
* Because of the shutdown, up to 800,000 federal workers will be furloughed, air safety experts will be laid off and 401ks could be decimated, but Congress will continue getting paid ... OK, I think I see the problem here.
* For the first time in 17 years, the federal government is shut down. You think that's a while, it's been 57 years since Congress did anything right.
* Congressional Democrats have issued a statement directed at Republicans. It reads in its entirety: "I'm rubber, you're glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you."
* According to a new CNN poll, Congress has an approval rating of 10 percent. Mold is at 11 percent.
* More information is coming out about Obama's historic telephone call with Iranian President Hassan Rouhani. At one point, Obama had to let Rouhani go because Joy Behar was holding on line two.
* The Kremlin is denying recent media reports that President Vladimir Putin got married. If the Kremlin denies it, then we know it's true.
* I believe the ring he gave the bride reads: "New England Patriots, Super Bowl champs."