Breaking Brad: Who needs a stinkin' federal government? -
Published Tuesday, October 1, 2013 at 9:29 am / Updated at 10:26 am
Breaking Brad: Who needs a stinkin' federal government?

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back later today for his afternoon jokes.

* The Dodge Street roadwork in Omaha is expected to be finished ahead of schedule. Sorry, I just fell out of my chair.

* Some road construction in Omaha will be finished ahead of schedule, thus proving even a blind squirrel sometimes finds the acorn.

* The headline "Omaha Roadwork To Be Completed Ahead of Schedule" is seen slightly less often than "Man Bites Dog."

* But first, lane closures on Dodge Street have switched to the opposite side this week. It's part of our city traffic engineers' "Operation Confused Yet, Omaha?"

* The Council Bluffs "Teen Mom" has a new line of sex toys. Chalk up another success story for that Council Bluffs Young Entrepreneurs club.

* In Dallas on Monday, Mark Cuban's trial for alleged insider trading got underway. The prosecutors' dream jury would include five or six people who were humiliated on "Shark Tank."

* There's good and bad news in Washington. First, the bad news: the federal government has shut down. Now, the good news: the federal government has shut down.

* The federal government has shut down. That's the big story in Washington, D.C. Of course "D.C." stands for "Dumb Congress."

* I knew it didn't look good last night shortly before midnight when C-SPAN cut to the House and several members were twerking.

* Because of the shutdown, up to 800,000 federal workers will be furloughed, air safety experts will be laid off and 401ks could be decimated, but Congress will continue getting paid ... OK, I think I see the problem here.

* For the first time in 17 years, the federal government is shut down. You think that's a while, it's been 57 years since Congress did anything right.

* Congressional Democrats have issued a statement directed at Republicans. It reads in its entirety: "I'm rubber, you're glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you."

* According to a new CNN poll, Congress has an approval rating of 10 percent. Mold is at 11 percent.

* More information is coming out about Obama's historic telephone call with Iranian President Hassan Rouhani. At one point, Obama had to let Rouhani go because Joy Behar was holding on line two.

* The Kremlin is denying recent media reports that President Vladimir Putin got married. If the Kremlin denies it, then we know it's true.

* I believe the ring he gave the bride reads: "New England Patriots, Super Bowl champs."

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

City Council OKs redevelopment plan for north downtown project
Inmate accused of partially tearing off another's testicles charged with assault
Police question suspected burglar; 12-year-old was home alone
Crew working to disassemble International Nutrition plant
Lawyer: Man had right to hand out religious fliers outside Pinnacle Bank Arena
Firefighters put out duplex blaze in N.W. Omaha
Woodmen request would take nearly $40M in valuation from tax rolls
Coffee with a Cop set for Thursday in Benson
In TV ad, Shane Osborn says Ben Sasse 'beholden to Washington'
Douglas County offices accepting credit, debit cards
Teen killed in shooting at Benson's Gallagher Park
Ben Sasse raises more money than U.S. Senate foes Shane Osborn and Sid Dinsdale
Parched Omaha soil soaks up record precipitation
Engineering student harnesses girl power, starts engineering-science club at Gomez Elementary
WB Dodge Street lane closed
Ex-Omaha Mayor Hal Daub endorses Shane Osborn for U.S. Senate seat
New Doane College program promises free tuition for first class
No more last-minute hiring of Omaha Public Schools teachers
Database: How much did Medicare pay your doctor?
New public employee pay data: Douglas, Lancaster, Sarpy Counties, plus utilities
Lunar eclipse was visible in the Omaha area
2 arrested in west Omaha hotel TV thefts
You can tape a cable TV access show at new city-built studio in Omaha
Nancy's Almanac, April 15, 2014: Where did snow, rain fall?
Bellevue man gets 25 years in Mills County sex abuse case
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Breaking Brad: What do the moon, Colorado senators have in common?
How about that "blood red" moon Monday? It was as red as the eyes of a Colorado legislator.
Breaking Brad: Hey, Republicans, are you ready to be audited?
A quick list of audit red flags: 3) You fail to sign your return. 2) You fail to report income. 1) You are a registered Republican.
Breaking Brad: Next year, Bo Pelini brings a mountain lion to the spring game
Before the spring game, Bo Pelini carried a cat onto the field. With Bo's personality, it'd have been more appropriate for him to carry a mountain lion.
Breaking Brad: Bo Pelini's cat lets spring game intro go to its head
Coach Bo Pelini took the field before the spring game holding a cat aloft. Typical cat. He was undoubtedly thinking, “Sixty thousand people, all cheering for me!”
Kelly: 3 former Nebraskans all take seats at the table of international diplomacy
Three former residents of the Cornhusker State are working together at the U.S. Embassy in Paris, and one took part in a recent high-level meeting about Ukraine.
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