Breaking Brad: An obligatory Justin Bieber update -
Published Wednesday, September 25, 2013 at 9:21 am / Updated at 9:55 am
Breaking Brad: An obligatory Justin Bieber update

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* All competitors in Sunday’s Omaha Marathon wore a microchip so officials would know where they are on the course. With all the road construction and detours in town, we need to start microchipping commuters.

* Omaha Mayor Jean Stothert wants to bring back retired planning director Steve Jensen to help run the Planning Department. He would receive a salary of $100,000, in addition to his pension of about $115,000. The current planning director would stay on the job at a salary of $140,000. Omaha will have the only Planning Department featured on "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous."

* To pay the Planning Department salaries, look for the mayor to call for renting out our fire trucks to joy-riders.

* A new radio station in Omaha plays oldies music and seemingly has no DJs or owners. It’s sort of "ghost radio." KOIL managers are upset because, in its illustrious history of nine million gimmicks, even KOIL executives hadn't thought of this one.

* There’s a new policy for Midtown Crossing residents with dogs. Residents must provide a sample of their dog’s DNA to identify its poop. I picture Midtown Crossing dog owners bragging at the dog park. "See my Pomeranian? His poop’s registered."

* During a marathon filibuster to delay a vote on Obamacare funding, Sen. Ted Cruz read from "Green Eggs and Ham." When he finally stopped, dozens of members of the current Congress shouted, "Now we don’t know how it ends!"

* Sen. Cruz read from "Green Eggs and Ham." Serving in the current Congress is like being in the fourth grade, only with a longer summer recess.

* Some current Congress members were enthralled because they had only read the CliffsNotes in college.

* President Obama has referred to Bill Clinton as the "Secretary of Explaining Stuff." I guess that beats Clinton’s former title -- "Commander in Briefs."

* After Justin Bieber posted a photo of himself holding what appears to be a script for the new "Batman" movie, rumors surfaced that Bieber will play Robin. This may be the first time I ever rooted for the Joker.

* I guess the best way to make Ben Affleck seem macho enough to be Batman is to put him beside Bieber.

* The biggest adjustment for Bieber is that the Batmobile is slower than his own car.

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

Omaha police investigate two Sunday shootings
Sole big donor to Beau McCoy says he expects nothing in return
Firefighters battle brush fire near Fontenelle Forest
Sioux City riverboat casino prepares to close, still hoping to be saved
Omaha high schoolers to help canvass for Heartland 2050
Mizzou alumni aim to attract veterinary students to Henry Doorly Zoo
Grant ensures that Sioux City can start building children's museum
Party looks to 'nudge' women into public office in Iowa
For birthday, Brownell-Talbot student opts to give, not get
Two taken to hospital after fire at Benson home
Grace: Pipe organ concert a tribute to couple's enduring love
Omaha-area jails and ERs new front line in battling mental illness
Convicted killer Nikko Jenkins might await his sentence in prison
Kelly: 70 years after a deadly D-Day rehearsal, Omahan, WWII vet will return to Europe
Civil rights hearing to consider voting policies in Midwest
17 senators in Nebraska Legislature hit their (term) limits
It's a pursuit of pastel at Spring Lake Park's Easter egg hunt
Financial picture improving for city-owned Mid-America Center
No injuries after fire at midtown's old Mercer Mansion
29-year-old Omahan arrested for 22nd time in Lincoln
Police: Slaying of woman in Ralston apartment likely over drugs
Explosion near 29th, Woolworth damages vehicles
Omaha police arrest man, 19, accused in March shooting
Earth gets its day in the sun at Elmwood Park
Beau McCoy strikes Obama doll in TV ad; Democrats are not happy
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Kelly: 70 years after a deadly D-Day rehearsal, Omahan, WWII vet will return to Europe
A World War II veteran from Omaha will return this week to Europe to commemorate a tragedy in the run-up to D-Day.
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The main speaker at today's Ivy Day celebration at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln is a college president who grew up roping calves and earned her Ph.D. at the prestigious Oxford University in England.
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I know of one kid in Lincoln who will be receiving a lump of coal from the Easter Bunny, just as soon as he's extricated from that bowling alley claw machine.
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Thursday was the last day of a Nebraska Legislature session. Before leaving town, legislators passed a bill to hold a lottery to hunt the Easter Bunny.
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