Breaking Brad: Do you not have a pet blobfish? - Omaha.com
Published Wednesday, September 25, 2013 at 2:06 pm / Updated at 5:15 pm
Breaking Brad: Do you not have a pet blobfish?

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read Brad's morning jokes.

* Our long, national nightmare is over. Sen. Ted Cruz finally shut up.

* During his filibuster to delay a vote on Obamacare funding that began Tuesday afternoon, Cruz talked nonstop for over 21 hours. Or, as Bill Clinton used to call that: "A few introductory remarks."

* It was sort of like the KFAB Husker pregame show.

* During his talk, Cruz impersonated Darth Vader. This is not to be confused with the eight-year Darth Vader impersonation Dick Cheney did as vice president.

* The price of a stamp could increase. If only there was somehow a way to send messages from one person to another other than via U.S. mail. Oh well.

* A talk by ex-World-Herald columnist Rainbow Rowell in Minnesota was canceled because supposedly the F-word appears too frequently in her new book. I don't know who they got to replace Rowell as speaker, but I think we can rule out Bo Pelini.

* The Minnesota group that canceled Rainbow's speech counted 227 offending words. Really, Minnesota? I heard more offensive words in the first stanza of Prince's last song.

* The new Guinness Book of World Records contains a listing for the "World's Smallest Dog." It's a 2-year-old that stands about 4 inches tall and weighs one pound. He's also earned the title "World's Worst Watch Dog."

* There was an embarrassing incident the other day when the dog was chased up a tree by a fruit fly.

* It's a Chihuahua, so it's also the "World's Most Annoying Dog."

* The blobfish has been named the "World's Ugliest Animal." Blobfish? How can something with such a beautiful name be considered ugly?

* Blobfish. That sounds like something I once ordered at a bad seafood restaurant.

* To crack down on unruly fans at Seahawks games, Seattle authorities are sending officers wearing the opponent's gear to games. Clearly, attending an NFL game in the opponent's gear for a cop is similar to infiltrating organized crime, only more dangerous.

* Larry Sanders of the Milwaukee Bucks got a tattoo reading RECEIVE. One problem: It was misspelled "RECIEVE." I hereby call for tattoo artists having to pass a background test proving they can spell at a fifth-grade level.

* This is not good. A Southeastern Conference football team just cut a player to avoid exceeding the salary cap.

Also from Brad: An obligatory Justin Bieber update

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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