Breaking Brad: I'll give you my vote for some BBQ - Omaha.com
Published Tuesday, September 24, 2013 at 8:55 am / Updated at 9:29 am
Breaking Brad: I'll give you my vote for some BBQ

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* There was a huge concert announcement on Monday. Cher will be playing Lincoln's Pinnacle Bank Arena on May 30. Cher is familiar with Lincoln. She played the then-brand-new Pershing Auditorium on her first farewell tour.

* Cher will be in Lincoln on May 30. In Cher terms, that’s three noses from now.

* A section of the Keystone Trail near 72nd Street is closed until November for repairs. This is awful. With all the road construction in Omaha, hiking the Keystone Trail is the only way for many commuters to get to work.

* The controversies surrounding the Husker football program just do not stop. Here’s the latest. You know those "I’m a Boliever" signs? The Monkees called; they want royalties.

* The Council Bluffs "Teen Mom" is getting her own sex toy line. I’m assuming this story will knock the gubernatorial race off the front pages of The World-Herald for the foreseeable future.

* State Sen. Annette Dubas launched her campaign for governor with a BBQ picnic. If she thinks Nebraskans can be wooed to vote for someone just became they’re handed delicious BBQ and potato salad, then ... I’ll just anoint her the frontrunner now.

* An Iowa woman swallowed a tapeworm to lose weight. The woman told her doctor that she read on the Internet that this is a good way to lose weight. Example No. 50,684 on why you shouldn’t get health care advice on the Internet.

* The winner of a $400 million Powerball lottery wishes to remain anonymous. In order to remain completely anonymous, he or she will be joining the current cast of "Dancing with the Stars."

* Unless Congress can agree on a spending bill proposed by President Obama, the federal government will shut down Oct. 1. OK, that settles it -- the federal government will shut down Oct. 1.

* President Obama attended the U.N. General Assembly, where leaders from almost every nation in the world were present. Then, Obama set aside a little time to meet with the two guys that backed us in Syria.

* Sen. John McCain called members of the Los Angeles Dodgers "overpaid, immature, arrogant, spoiled brats." So, he’s basically endorsing them for Congress?

* Starbucks announced that it won't cut employee benefits or hours ahead of Obamacare. Of course not. Because it’s Starbucks, if necessary, it’ll just raise the price of a latte to $980.

* However, the guy who’s always sitting in back with a cap and laptop? He has to go out and get a job.

* Tuesday is National Punctuation Day. Or, to frequent Twitter users: "National What Day?"

* A new study claims that motorists should not keep their hands at 10 o'clock and 2 o'clock on the steering wheel. It is now official. Everything we were taught to do, say and eat before 1997 has been proven false.

* This doesn’t impact us locally, where motorists in Omaha are known for keeping one hand firmly around their espresso and the other hand in texting position.

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

Crew working to disassemble International Nutrition plant
Police question suspected burglar; 12-year-old was home alone
Lawyer: Man had right to hand out religious fliers outside Pinnacle Bank Arena
Inmate accused of partially tearing off another's testicles charged with assault
Firefighters put out duplex blaze in N.W. Omaha
Woodmen request would take nearly $40M in valuation from tax rolls
Coffee with a Cop set for Thursday in Benson
In TV ad, Shane Osborn says Ben Sasse 'beholden to Washington'
Douglas County offices accepting credit, debit cards
Teen killed in shooting at Benson's Gallagher Park
Ben Sasse raises more money than U.S. Senate foes Shane Osborn and Sid Dinsdale
Parched Omaha soil soaks up record precipitation
Engineering student harnesses girl power, starts engineering-science club at Gomez Elementary
WB Dodge Street lane closed
Ex-Omaha Mayor Hal Daub endorses Shane Osborn for U.S. Senate seat
New Doane College program promises free tuition for first class
No more last-minute hiring of Omaha Public Schools teachers
Database: How much did Medicare pay your doctor?
New public employee pay data: Douglas, Lancaster, Sarpy Counties, plus utilities
Lunar eclipse was visible in the Omaha area
2 arrested in west Omaha hotel TV thefts
You can tape a cable TV access show at new city-built studio in Omaha
Nancy's Almanac, April 15, 2014: Where did snow, rain fall?
Bellevue man gets 25 years in Mills County sex abuse case
Gov. Heineman, first lady Sally Ganem urge Nebraskans to volunteer
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