Breaking Brad: I'll give you my vote for some BBQ - Omaha.com
Published Tuesday, September 24, 2013 at 8:55 am / Updated at 9:29 am
Breaking Brad: I'll give you my vote for some BBQ

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

* * * * * * * * * *

Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* There was a huge concert announcement on Monday. Cher will be playing Lincoln's Pinnacle Bank Arena on May 30. Cher is familiar with Lincoln. She played the then-brand-new Pershing Auditorium on her first farewell tour.

* Cher will be in Lincoln on May 30. In Cher terms, that’s three noses from now.

* A section of the Keystone Trail near 72nd Street is closed until November for repairs. This is awful. With all the road construction in Omaha, hiking the Keystone Trail is the only way for many commuters to get to work.

* The controversies surrounding the Husker football program just do not stop. Here’s the latest. You know those "I’m a Boliever" signs? The Monkees called; they want royalties.

* The Council Bluffs "Teen Mom" is getting her own sex toy line. I’m assuming this story will knock the gubernatorial race off the front pages of The World-Herald for the foreseeable future.

* State Sen. Annette Dubas launched her campaign for governor with a BBQ picnic. If she thinks Nebraskans can be wooed to vote for someone just became they’re handed delicious BBQ and potato salad, then ... I’ll just anoint her the frontrunner now.

* An Iowa woman swallowed a tapeworm to lose weight. The woman told her doctor that she read on the Internet that this is a good way to lose weight. Example No. 50,684 on why you shouldn’t get health care advice on the Internet.

* The winner of a $400 million Powerball lottery wishes to remain anonymous. In order to remain completely anonymous, he or she will be joining the current cast of "Dancing with the Stars."

* Unless Congress can agree on a spending bill proposed by President Obama, the federal government will shut down Oct. 1. OK, that settles it -- the federal government will shut down Oct. 1.

* President Obama attended the U.N. General Assembly, where leaders from almost every nation in the world were present. Then, Obama set aside a little time to meet with the two guys that backed us in Syria.

* Sen. John McCain called members of the Los Angeles Dodgers "overpaid, immature, arrogant, spoiled brats." So, he’s basically endorsing them for Congress?

* Starbucks announced that it won't cut employee benefits or hours ahead of Obamacare. Of course not. Because it’s Starbucks, if necessary, it’ll just raise the price of a latte to $980.

* However, the guy who’s always sitting in back with a cap and laptop? He has to go out and get a job.

* Tuesday is National Punctuation Day. Or, to frequent Twitter users: "National What Day?"

* A new study claims that motorists should not keep their hands at 10 o'clock and 2 o'clock on the steering wheel. It is now official. Everything we were taught to do, say and eat before 1997 has been proven false.

* This doesn’t impact us locally, where motorists in Omaha are known for keeping one hand firmly around their espresso and the other hand in texting position.

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

Man, 21, shot in ankle while walking near 30th, U Streets
State Department moves to delay Keystone XL pipeline decision
Omahan charged in fatal shooting in Benson neighborhood
Friday's attendance dips at Millard West after bathroom threat
High school slam poets don't just recite verses, 'they leave their hearts beating on the stage'
Crack ring's leaders join others in prison as a result of Operation Purple Haze
High court denies death row appeal of cult leader convicted of murder
Haze in area comes from Kansas, Oklahoma
Man taken into custody in domestic dispute
Omaha judge reprimanded for intervening in peer attorney's DUI case
Intoxicated man with pellet gun climbs billboard's scaffold; is arrested
Police seek public's help in finding an armed man
Saturday forecast opens window for gardening; Easter egg hunts look iffy on Sunday
Database: How much did Medicare pay your doctor?
Last day of 2014 Legislature: Praise, passage of a last few bills and more on mountain lions
New public employee pay data: Douglas, Lancaster, Sarpy Counties, plus utilities
A voice of experience: Ex-gang member helps lead fight against Omaha violence
Church is pressing its case for old Temple Israel site
OPPD board holding public forum, open house May 7
The thrill of the skill: Omaha hosts statewide contest for students of the trades
A recap of what got done — and what didn't — in the 2014 legislative session
When judge asks, Nikko Jenkins says ‘I killed them’
Nancy's Almanac, April 17, 2014: Trees save money
'The war is not over,' Chambers says, but legislative session about is
PAC funded by Senate candidate Ben Sasse's great-uncle releases Shane Osborn attack ad
< >
COLUMNISTS »
Breaking Brad: Stuck in a claw machine? You get no Easter candy
I know of one kid in Lincoln who will be receiving a lump of coal from the Easter Bunny, just as soon as he's extricated from that bowling alley claw machine.
Breaking Brad: Mountain lion season's over, but the bunny's fair game!
Thursday was the last day of a Nebraska Legislature session. Before leaving town, legislators passed a bill to hold a lottery to hunt the Easter Bunny.
Breaking Brad: At least my kid never got stuck inside a claw machine
We need a new rule in Lincoln. If your kid is discovered inside the claw machine at a bowling alley, you are forever barred from being nominated for "Mother of the Year."
Breaking Brad: How many MECA board members can we put in a luxury suite?
As a stunt at the Blue Man Group show, MECA board members are going to see how many people they can stuff into one luxury suite.
Kelly: Creighton's McDermotts put good faces on an Omaha tradition
A comical roast Wednesday night in Omaha brought fans of Creighton basketball laughter by the bucketful. This time it was McJokes, not McBuckets, that entertained the Bluejay crowd.
Deadline Deal thumbnail
The Jaipur in Rockbrook Village
Half Off Fine Indian Cuisine & Drinks! $15 for Dinner, or $7 for Lunch
Buy Now
PHOTO GALLERIES »
< >
SPOTLIGHT »
Omaha World-Herald Contests
Enter for a chance to win great prizes.
OWH Store: Buy photos, books and articles
Buy photos, books and articles
Travel Snaps Photo
Going on Vacation? Take the Omaha World-Herald with you and you could the next Travel Snaps winner.
Click here to donate to Goodfellows
The 2011 Goodfellows fund drive provided holiday meals to nearly 5,000 families and their children, and raised more than $500,000 to help families in crisis year round.
WORLD-HERALD ALERTS »
Want to get World-Herald stories sent directly to your home or work computer? Sign up for Omaha.com's News Alerts and you will receive e-mails with the day's top stories.
Can't find what you need? Click here for site map »