Annie, my 19-year-old daughter's a loner with no ambition - Omaha.com
Published Monday, September 23, 2013 at 1:00 am / Updated at 4:47 pm
Annie, my 19-year-old daughter's a loner with no ambition

Dear Annie: Our 19-year-old daughter seems to have found a haven from adulthood in our home. She has resisted any effort to achieve anything outside her comfort level, and as a result, it’s not all that comfortable at home for anyone, including her.

She sleeps throughout the day and spends the night burrowed in her room for hours, pursuing who knows what. She no longer has a computer (she’s broken two laptops in fits of anger) or access to ours after 10 p.m. She won’t get a driver’s license or make a meaningful effort to find work. She won’t accept advice.

She doesn’t do drugs. She’s never out all night. I’m pretty sure she’s never so much as kissed a boy. Trying to get her up and out of the house to do anything has led to violent conflicts. The last time I had to call the cops to mediate.

Threatening to throw her out of the house is pointless. Neither my wife nor I can send her onto the street. We’ve sought counseling, but our daughter won’t go. Needless to say, we love her. People might judge that we’ve simply spoiled her, and they might be right, but we always felt we were doing the best we could without coddling her or “helicopter parenting.” Regardless, we’re stuck now and could use some help.

-- Stuck in Neutral

Dear Stuck: Your daughter’s lack of motivation is more than being “spoiled” or lazy. If efforts to get her up and moving become so violent that laptops are broken and the police need to be involved, please consider the possibility of mental illness. We know this is frightening, and we understand that your daughter is likely to refuse help, so please contact NAMI (nami.org) for information and referrals.

Dear Annie: I am a retired, single senior citizen. Five years ago, I bought a lovely home in an area where I have no family or friends. I may have made a mistake. Since then, I have made no friends, only acquaintances. I’ve been to church and other gathering places, to no avail. Also, there are few activities here for people my age. I’ve given it my best shot, and I don’t see any improvements on the social scene. It is very lonely.

I have family members who want me to move near them. I know I could be of assistance to one of my siblings who is in poor health. However, I am apprehensive about moving, because another sibling who lives there is very difficult to get along with and has caused trouble for me in the past. What is your advice?

-- Not Getting Any Younger

Dear Not Getting: The best solution would be for you to move back and find a better way to relate to the sibling who gives you grief. Would your sibling consider some short-term counseling sessions with you? Would your other siblings help mediate? Before you decide, visit a few times to see whether this can be resolved.

The next best thing, of course, would be to find friends in your current area. We know you’ve tried. Invite one or two people for coffee. Volunteer somewhere or join a social organization that speaks to your interests. It doesn’t have to be limited to “senior” groups. Friends come in all ages.

Dear Annie: Please suggest to “Don’t Know What To Do in Connecticut” to wear gloves if she doesn’t want to catch other people’s respiratory viruses. Then, if someone looks like they are going to hug you, stick out your hand to shake. I wear gloves everywhere to avoid germs.

-- Not Sick

Dear Not: Dress gloves can also add a touch of class to every occasion.

Dear Readers: Today is Family Day. Studies show that children who eat dinner with their parents have a reduced risk of substance abuse. Please try to make meals a family event.

Contact the writer: anniesmailbox@comcast.net

Archives: So many wonderful old Omaha photos
UNL students make dancing robot drones
Annie, this woman I paid for sex years ago is now a co-worker
Saying ‘stranger danger’ doesn’t always work, instead be direct with your child
Momaha: 10 ways to boost a kid's confidence
Tips, recipes on how to spice up your traditional Easter ham
Momaha: A lesson in balance for mom after ballet
Dubious list says Omaha's the second-most-spirited city in the U.S., whatever that means
Live Well Nebraska: Bellevue man named one of hottest fitness trainers in America
Annie, my husband walked out on me, and now I love his brother
Review: ‘Heaven is for Real’ leaves it to viewer to interpret its story
Aw, geez. 'Fargo' has a new psycho
Is this Omaha's most incredible Easter egg tree?
Omaha, Lincoln both set record lows; some fruit trees may have been damaged
Grand Island body shop owner models car after Coney dog
What to Watch: 'Fargo,' 'New Girl'
'Last Supper' quilt makes its way to Nebraska
Caravan’s steampunk ‘Fantasticks’ to pitch its tent in Iowa
Cleveland Evans: Emma blossomed from medieval roots
Annie, I'm worried my fiancée will go back to her group sex ways
Number of stay-at-home moms on the rise, it’s not who you think
Assemble the minions! How to make weird but cool Easter crafts
Changes on World-Herald comics page
Annie, my 26-year-old son has no interest in getting a job
Kaneko-designed production to close Opera Omaha's 2014-15 season
< >
COLUMNISTS »
Cleveland Evans: From a moody nickname to the Ninja Turtles’ bestie
In honor of April 1, this column’s about Murgatroyd and Amphelisia.
Deadline Deal thumbnail
Dr. Welbes Natural Health Clinic
$129 for 2 LipoLaser Sessions with Additional Complimentary Services ($605 value)
Buy Now
FROM THE BLOGS »
Jump to a blog:
< >
SPOTLIGHT »
We Love Weddings blog
W.E. Love Weddings is about everything Omaha and everything weddings by the editors of Wedding Essentials Magazine.
Weddings and engagements
Share your exciting news with your community by placing an announcement today.
Inspired Home Omaha magazine
Sign up today to get the latest edition of Omaha's best magazine for local living, home entertainment, fashion and travel!
WORLD-HERALD ALERTS »
Want to get World-Herald stories sent directly to your home or work computer? Sign up for Omaha.com's News Alerts and you will receive e-mails with the day's top stories.
Can't find what you need? Click here for site map »