Breaking Brad: TGIF, or TGIFF for Bo Pelini - Omaha.com
Published Friday, September 20, 2013 at 9:37 am / Updated at 3:55 pm
Breaking Brad: TGIF, or TGIFF for Bo Pelini

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* Right about now, I imagine Bo Pelini is saying "TGIF."

* Actually, I think Bo calls it TGIFF.

* A quick note to Husker fans attending Saturday's game vs. South Dakota State: Any signs referencing "Coach Potty Mouth" will be confiscated by security.

* Nobody will mistake Nebraska-South Dakota State for the Game of the Century. But it very well might qualify for Most Awkward Postgame Press Conference of the Century.

* Here's what's amazing to me: Scientists can predict within centimeters how close a meteorite will come to earth, but we can't get an estimate for how much a UNO arena will cost that's within $10 million of the actual price.

* Starting Friday morning, there's lane restrictions on 132nd Street from Q to Harrison Streets for four days. At the rate things are going, when the U.S. Olympic Swim Trials return to Omaha in 2016, there will be orange traffic barrels in two lanes of the pool.

* Omaha is getting a new neighborhood Walmart on North Saddle Creek Road. Here's an idea: We should just build a walkway connecting all their stores, place some elderly greeters at the city limits and declare the entire city one enormous Walmart.

* "Building Hope" is the theme for the current school year in Westside Community Schools. That replaces last year's theme: "You better learn something to justify your parents paying 70-grand extra for that District 66 house."

* There's a problem in Omaha with pushy, unlicensed magazine peddlers. Omaha is going to begin cracking down. If you're pushy and unlicensed going door-to-door, you better have some Girl Scout cookies on you.

* Bon Jovi will perform at Lincoln's Pinnacle Bank Arena on Oct. 20. Lincoln is so football crazed, Jon Bon Jovi is known there mostly as part owner of the Arena League's Philadelphia Soul. "He plays music, too?"

* A new bar and grill is coming to Benson. It's about time this under-served community gets a bar and grill. Sometimes hungry and thirsty visitors to Benson have to walk over three feet to find a bar and grill.

* There are 10 days left to avert a federal government shutdown. I think it would take the current Congress 11 days to refill the House stapler.

* Ten days isn't long enough for Congress to pick a number between seven and nine.

* If the government shuts down, Congress will do no work, the Postal Service will be losing money and the vice president will basically disappear -- so this differs from business as usual how?

* Sen. John McCain penned an op-ed for Pravda that's highly critical of President Vladimir Putin. Considering the usual tolerance of the Russian government, I'm guessing the country has just solved its toilet paper shortage.

* NBC plans to broadcast a four-part TV miniseries called "Hillary." That's not to be confused with MSNBC's plans to formally change its name to HILLARY in 2016.

* Toys "R" Us stores are encouraging Americans to start Christmas shopping this week. Christmas shopping season gets earlier every year. By 2017, there will be Christmas trees beside the Fourth of July firework stands.

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Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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