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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read Brad's morning jokes.
* This is Omaha's Restaurant Week. Because Omahans need an excuse to eat out. You know, like the sun is out.
* Today's also International Talk Like A Pirate Day. If you want to make sure you have it covered, walk into any restaurant and order in your best pirate's voice.
* Former Vice President Dick Cheney is entered in a Wyoming hunting competition this weekend. An errant shot here may be Nebraska's best chance at getting Bigfoot.
* Sen. John McCain penned an op-ed for Pravda. I'd relay what he wrote, but, darn the luck, my Pravda subscription ran out Tuesday.
* In his op-ed in Pravda, Sen. McCain boasted of our many freedoms. Although, after listening to Meghan McCain, sometimes I think this freedom of speech thing should be repealed.
* The I.R.S. has agreed to treat same-sex married couples the same way it treats other couples -- just plain awful.
* Listen up, same-sex married couples: Be careful what you wish for.
* Scientists say the first person who will live to be 150 years old is alive today. So, to paraphrase "Dumb and Dumber" -- good news, Chicago Cubs fans, they're telling you there's a chance.
* It's been reported NCAA investigators grilled Johnny Manziel for almost six hours. At one point, Manziel offered to sign a confession, provided he received the standard $270 for his signature.
* The Patriots may sign Terrell Owens. This will work out great. Now, when Tom Brady yells at his wide receiver, the wide receiver can yell back.
* NFL games are slower than ever. The other night, the coach challenged the opening coin flip.
* Nike built an incredible sand sculpture of LeBron James. It's such a good likeness of LeBron, a desperate Charlotte Bobcats organization offered the sand sculpture a five-year deal.
* Allen Iverson has officially retired from the NBA, an event I was pretty sure occurred about five years ago.