Breaking Brad: I prefer my donuts kicked off a tee - Omaha.com
Published Tuesday, September 17, 2013 at 2:01 pm / Updated at 2:28 pm
Breaking Brad: I prefer my donuts kicked off a tee

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read Brad's morning jokes.

* Coach Bo Pelini said he met briefly with A.D. Shawn Eichorst on Monday. The talk with Bo was so brief, Eichorst said he feels like a TV sideline reporter.

* On Monday, MECA board member Jamie Gutierrez Mora canceled a scheduled meeting with Mayor Jean Stothert. Can't say I blame Gutierrez Mora. Who wants to drive that far from home for a dumb meeting?

* Two pet gibbons were reported stolen from a home in Doniphan, Neb. Haven't there been enough Bigfoot sightings in Nebraska without this?

* If the thieves stay local, they should be easy to apprehend. I'm basing this on my keen, intuitive hunch that there cannot be more than 25 or 30 gibbons in the Doniphan area.

* In Italy, the "world's smallest pony" is reportedly being held for ransom. I believe he was taken by the "world's lamest kidnappers."

* The enormous cruise ship Costa Concordia has been raised to an upright position. I saw it happening and, at first, mistook it for the most expensive "Gilligan's Island" Me-TV promo yet.

* Omaha commuters are dealing with a road resurfacing project on Dodge Street from 29th to 52nd Streets that's expected to last eight weeks. Longtime Omahans realize that, much like dog years, “8 weeks” works out to about three years, four months in actual time.

* Not worry -- road crews are rushing to finish the work by winter, so commuters will be able to get stuck in the Dodge Street snow.

* Former Husker Kris Brown owns a new Dunkin' Donuts franchise in Omaha. It's a lot of fun to pull up to the drive-thru and have him kick the donuts into your car through your open window.

* Monday marked the fifth anniversary of the world financial crisis. There was a ceremony where everything we've learned was unveiled on the head of a pin.

* A new season of “Dancing with the Stars” kicked off Monday night. This year, there is actually something important on the line. Instead of a Mirror Ball Trophy, the winning celebrity will be granted a 16th minute of fame.

* President Obama has said his wife, Michelle, opposes intervention in Syria. Instead of military intervention, Mrs. Obama prefers a plan where all war is avoided because the entire world is doing jumping jacks.

* LeBron James has married his longtime girlfriend. In the vows, LeBron promised to show her the kind of loyalty he never showed Cleveland.

* This is pretty embarrassing: ESPN cut away from an overtime college football game to air LeBron's wedding.

Also from Brad: Bo Pelini, Bigfoot and more Bo Pelini

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

Omaha police investigate two nonfatal shootings
Easter Sunday temperatures climb into 80s in Omaha area
City Council to vote on adding Bluffs pedestrian safety lights
Sole big donor to Beau McCoy says he expects nothing in return
Convicted killer Nikko Jenkins might await his sentence in prison
Kelly: 70 years after a deadly D-Day rehearsal, Omahan, WWII vet will return to Europe
Midlands runners ready for Boston Marathon
Families from area shelters treated to meal at Old Chicago
Firefighters battle brush fire near Fontenelle Forest
Sioux City riverboat casino prepares to close, still hoping to be saved
Omaha high schoolers to help canvass for Heartland 2050
Mizzou alumni aim to attract veterinary students to Henry Doorly Zoo
Grant ensures that Sioux City can start building children's museum
Party looks to 'nudge' women into public office in Iowa
For birthday, Brownell-Talbot student opts to give, not get
Two taken to hospital after fire at Benson home
Grace: Pipe organ concert a tribute to couple's enduring love
Omaha-area jails and ERs new front line in battling mental illness
Civil rights hearing to consider voting policies in Midwest
17 senators in Nebraska Legislature hit their (term) limits
It's a pursuit of pastel at Spring Lake Park's Easter egg hunt
Financial picture improving for city-owned Mid-America Center
No injuries after fire at midtown's old Mercer Mansion
29-year-old Omahan arrested for 22nd time in Lincoln
Police: Slaying of woman in Ralston apartment likely over drugs
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