Dickson’s Week in Review, Sept. 8-14 - Omaha.com
Published Saturday, September 14, 2013 at 6:44 pm / Updated at 6:54 pm
HUMOR
Dickson’s Week in Review, Sept. 8-14

Saturday morning, I thought I was watching a “Jetsons” cartoon. It turns out it was the Nebraska football team in its alternate uniforms.

Nebraska lost to UCLA on Saturday after being outscored 28-0 in the third quarter. There’s no explanation except that we can probably rule out the team looking ahead to South Dakota State.

Not to worry, Husker fans should stop having nightmares about the third quarter of the UCLA game by November 2016.

During the Alabama-Texas A&M contest, CBS had one camera that was trained on Johnny Manziel the entire game. In a sign of the times, there were 29 cameras trained on A.J. McCarron’s girlfriend.

A ticket for the Alabama-Texas A&M game was the most expensive in history — $763 on the secondary market. The only people who can afford that are former Oklahoma State players.

This week, an Alabama bar featured a piñata bearing Manziel’s likeness that customers could pay to slug. I’m trying to confirm that two Texas A&M coaches participated.

Last week, BYU upset Texas 40-21. BYU rushed for 550 yards. It was so bad, in the fourth quarter the Longhorn Network cut to a rerun of “The Rifleman.”

Sports Illustrated has launched a pay-for-play investigation of the Oklahoma State football program. There’s a rumor floating around that some Cowboys players were paid so much they could almost afford a subscription to Sports Illustrated.

Five mostly former SEC football players allegedly received improper benefits. The story was originally broken by the website Who-couldn’t-see-this-coming.com.

Some Buffalo Bills fans showed up for the game vs. New England in “Aaron Hernandez orange jumpsuits.” That’s not to be confused with the Oakland Raiders’ fans in orange jumpsuits, who just made bail shortly before kickoff.

After Washington lost to the Philadelphia Eagles, a Washington fan had to eat his own beard. I’m just glad he didn’t make some sort of stupid bet.

The Arizona Rattlers won a second consecutive Arena Football League title. The road to victory was easy, since the other teams in the arena league assumed the league had folded and didn’t show up for any of their games.

Retired center Vlade Divac returned to the Sacramento Kings arena for a surprise visit. There wasn’t a dry eye in the house when Divac marched to center court and fell on his butt one last time.

Two men were arrested for attempting to steal ivy from the outfield wall at Wrigley Field and failing. I’m going to check the record books, but I’m pretty sure this is not the first failure in September at Wrigley.

And finally: Legendary WWE announcer Jim Ross is retiring. He’s at an age where the travel is difficult. That, and being picked up by wrestlers, twirled 20 times overhead and tossed into the ninth row.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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