Breaking Brad: Hey, Millard kids, put your clothes on! - Omaha.com
Published Friday, September 13, 2013 at 10:42 am / Updated at 11:05 am
Breaking Brad: Hey, Millard kids, put your clothes on!

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* Millard Public School students have been told that skimpy attire is not acceptable at football games. Apparently, there was a lot of skimpy attire. It looked like Millard spent all its money on practice fields and couldn't afford clothes.

* Some kids were showing up in sports bras. If you want to dress like that at a football game, you have to wait until you're older and can try out to be an NFL cheerleader.

* The Miss America Pageant airs Sunday night. All the competitors wear a costume that represents their state. To combine the eastern and western parts of our great state, Miss Nebraska will be twirling a lasso while dressed as a pothole.

* You're familiar with Miss America. It's the scholarship pageant where contestants dress like Miley Cyrus at the Video Music Awards.

* The Miss America Pageant is Sunday. After the VMAs, it'll just be nice to see some people on stage who have a talent.

* A message to all Miss America contestants: Twerking is not considered a talent.

* Today is Friday the 13th. Fear of Friday the 13th is called paraskavedekatriaphobia. I don't have that. What I have is fear of misspelling paraskavedekatriaphobia.

* An Omaha man -- a private citizen -- has taken it upon himself to go around town repairing potholes. I plan to learn this man's name and write it in during the gubernatorial election.

* The Street of Dreams begins this weekend in Omaha. It's called that because you're dreaming if you think you can afford any of these homes.

* Most of the homes are in Omaha. A few are outside the city limits ... for future MECA Board members.

* George Strait will perform at the CenturyLink Center and Jay Z the Pinnacle Bank Arena. I don't know about you, but I am sick of these nearly identical, interchangeable acts at CenturyLink and the Pinnacle Bank.

* Twitter has filed for an IPO. Regular Twitter users responded: “IPO? I pee often? No, wait -- I'm perturbed only? Or is it...”

* How about all that taunting and the in-your-face trash talk? Of course I'm referencing Vladimir Putin's New York Times op-ed.

* Michelle Obama launched a campaign Thursday urging Americans to drink more water. Congressional Republicans fell into a stunned silence, completely thrown that, for the first time in 5 years, the administration had proposed something they could not disagree with.

* A man in a Barack Obama mask tried to rob a bank in New Hampshire. Tellers knew it wasn't the actual Obama because he doesn't have an economic plan that good.

* President Obama is really getting tough on Syria. Unless things improve, he's going to send Chris Berman over there to call a sporting event.

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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