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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read Brad's morning jokes.
* House Speaker John Boehner said he was "insulted" by Vladimir Putin's New York Times op-ed. I'm trying to confirm Boehner also said if he wanted to feel insulted, he'd just attend any meeting of House Republicans questioning his leadership.
* Syrian President Bashar al-Assad is setting some rigid conditions for the U.S. before he will consider destroying chemical weapons. OK, for starters, we have to cancel "Keeping Up with the Kardashians."
* Thirty-six years after it was launched, Voyager 1 has likely reached the end of our solar system, 11.5 billion miles from the sun. Right before exiting the solar system, it passed the legal residence of a member of the MECA Board.
* You know what we call it when you travel 11.5 billion miles in Omaha? "The Dodge Street detour."
* Twitter has filed for an initial public offering. I'm not so sure I want to risk my life savings betting on a company built around the success of Faux Bo Pelini and Not The Real Carrot Top.
* Due to a glitch on the United Airlines' website, passengers were booking flights for $5 on Thursday. With all the new add-on fees, I believe this is what's know as "airline karma."
* Elisabeth Hasselbeck makes her Fox News debut on Monday, which means someone else on Fox News should be able to get a word in edgewise late on Tuesday.
* There's a frightening new short film demonstrating every vice and immoral activity in the world. No, wait, that's the new Miley Cyrus video.
* After last week's game, Bo Pelini reportedly told his players in regards to UCLA: We owe them one. Which isn't as bad as the $2.1 million Nebraska owed Southern Miss.
* Johnny Manziel is on the cover of Time magazine. He should be keeping a low profile where no one can see him -- say, the cover of Newsweek.
* On Saturday, Texas A&M hopes for a signature win against Alabama. I'll pause while readers think up their own Johnny Manziel jokes.
* After Washington lost to the Philadelphia Eagles, a Redskins fan had to eat his own beard. How is it that this guy is not serving in Congress?
* The International Olympic Committee narrowly voted to reinstate wrestling into the 2020 Olympic Games, with wrestling edging baseball and squash. Good news for wrestlers: You're back in the Olympics. Bad news for wrestlers: The IOC thinks you're slightly more important than squash.