Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for 11 years. My first husband died, and my grown children love “Davis” as a father.
Davis is a wonderful man who took care of his kids when they were little, while his wife moved them around the country to follow a married man with whom she was having an affair. A bitter divorce followed, after which his ex turned the children against him. She married a wealthy man who gave them expensive things with the expectation that they would end their relationship with their father. Davis has managed to maintain a connection with his son, but although he has reached out to his daughter repeatedly, she has only responded a couple of times.
I recently learned that his daughter will be married next spring. I know it will break Davis’ heart when he finds out that he was not informed. He believes that after all these years, his daughter loves him and will come around before she marries, giving him the honor of walking her down the aisle. What is the best way for him to hear this news? I don’t want him to find out from a well-meaning person who thinks he knows.
-- Wondering in N.C.
Dear Wondering: You should tell Davis what you heard and how you found out. But please don’t turn it into a tragedy just yet. Next spring is still several months away, and Davis’ daughter may have had every intention of informing her father about the upcoming wedding. The most honest and classiest thing to do would be for Davis to call his daughter and say he heard the good news and give her his very best wishes. If he is expected or wants to help pay for the wedding, this would be the time to offer. The rest is up to her. We hope she will indeed come around.
Dear Annie: I am 28 years old. I am a social person, but I’m not on social media sites. I have the same phone number I had in high school. I live at the same address, which is less than three blocks from my high school. However, I was not invited to my 10-year high school reunion because it was organized through Facebook. I found out about it because my best friend (who went to a rival school) is on Facebook and is married to a classmate of mine.
Please remind your readers that plenty of people are not on social media websites, even at my age. Facebook may make it easy to plan events, but without a little bit of effort and consideration, it also makes it easy to leave people out.
-- Phone Me
Dear Phone: There is an assumption that everyone sees invitations for reunions and parties, notifications of engagements and births, as well as photographs and videos that are regularly posted on Facebook and other social media sites. It’s not so, and the assumption can create hurt feelings, along with a few unnecessary surprises. We hope folks will think about those they may have missed in their efforts to notify everyone at once.
Dear Annie: Please tell “Joe Not-So-Cool,” who wants to go to Europe, that this is a big mistake. He has a fantasy that it will take him away from his problems, but it will not. He will just take his problems and attitude with him. In fact, seeing Europe with no money and in a depressed mood could really crush him. How is he going to eat and find places to stay?
He needs to stay here and face his problems, which totally stem from his outlook. He thinks he is a loser. If he thinks he is a loser, people in Europe will, too.
-- Ventura, Calif.
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