Breaking Brad: Guys, it's raining Big Macs! - Omaha.com
Published Thursday, August 29, 2013 at 2:19 pm / Updated at 10:31 am
Breaking Brad: Guys, it's raining Big Macs!

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

* * * * * * * * * *

Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read his morning jokes.

* It's extremely hot in Omaha. Not to worry -- this winter is expected to be extremely cold, so it all evens out.

* It should be very hot at the Husker game Saturday evening. The 6,000 fans sitting atop the East Stadium addition at Memorial Stadium will get to experience what it's like to live on the surface of the sun.

* Fast-food workers in at least 60 cities are on strike. Not to worry, the federal government arranged for Air Force jets to fly over the U.S. to drop Big Macs and Whoppers with cheese to a hungry populace.

* Bill Clinton is scheduled to deliver a speech in defense of Obamacare next week. After this, the speech he gave Hillary after the Monica Lewinsky story broke will be the second most difficult talk of Clinton's career.

* Clinton believes so strongly in Obamacare, he's only charging the administration half-a-million dollars to deliver the speech.

* In music news, Miley Cyrus is teaming up with Justin Bieber and Kanye West on separate duets. This could basically mean the end of life as we know it.

* The Air Guitar World Championships just ended in Finland. After the MTV Video Music Awards, it was just nice to see some better musicianship.

* The Parents Television Council blasted the VMA performances of Miley Cyrus and Lady Gaga. If you saw Gaga’s performance at the top of the show but missed Miley’s, Miley was eerily similar to Gaga, only without the talent, charisma, singing ability, dance moves or stage presence.

* A man paid $27 million for a rare Ferrari at an auction. It’s believed this man is suffering from the largest mid-life crisis ever seen in one human being.

* The U.S. Postmaster General has proposed that the Postal Service be allowed to deliver beer, wine and spirits. The Post Office is so desperate to stay open, now they’re sucking up to Democrats.

* The NCAA ordered that Johnny Manziel sit out the first half vs. Rice. He’s now answering to his new nickname: "Johnny Wrist Slap."

* Meanwhile, the player who returned a library book two days late must sit out the entire Rice game.

* The Wisconsin Duck and Goose Calling Championships wrapped earlier this month. Actually, in a sign of the times, instead of calling, all the ducks and geese were texted.

Also from Brad: Brother, can you spare a dime?

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

Sioux City riverboat casino prepares to close, still hoping to be saved
Omaha high schoolers to help canvass for Heartland 2050
Mizzou alumni aim to attract veterinary students to Henry Doorly Zoo
Grant ensures that Sioux City can start building children's museum
Party looks to 'nudge' women into public office in Iowa
For birthday, Brownell-Talbot student opts to give, not get
Sole big donor to Beau McCoy says he expects nothing in return
Two taken to hospital after fire at Benson home
Grace: Pipe organ concert a tribute to couple's enduring love
Omaha-area jails and ERs new front line in battling mental illness
Convicted killer Nikko Jenkins might await his sentence in prison
Kelly: 70 years after a deadly D-Day rehearsal, Omahan, WWII vet will return to Europe
Civil rights hearing to consider voting policies in Midwest
Firefighters battle brush fire near Fontenelle Forest
17 senators in Nebraska Legislature hit their (term) limits
It's a pursuit of pastel at Spring Lake Park's Easter egg hunt
Financial picture improving for city-owned Mid-America Center
No injuries after fire at midtown's old Mercer Mansion
29-year-old Omahan arrested for 22nd time in Lincoln
Police: Slaying of woman in Ralston apartment likely over drugs
Explosion near 29th, Woolworth damages vehicles
Omaha police arrest man, 19, accused in March shooting
Earth gets its day in the sun at Elmwood Park
Beau McCoy strikes Obama doll in TV ad; Democrats are not happy
Keystone XL pipeline backers blast 'political expediency' as foes hail ruling to delay decision
< >
COLUMNISTS »
Kelly: 70 years after a deadly D-Day rehearsal, Omahan, WWII vet will return to Europe
A World War II veteran from Omaha will return this week to Europe to commemorate a tragedy in the run-up to D-Day.
Dickson’s Week in Review, April 13-19
On Twitter some guy tweeted that the spring game isn’t taken as seriously as a regular-season contest. What was your first clue? When the head coach entered waving a cat aloft?
Kelly: A California university president returns to her Nebraska roots on Ivy Day
The main speaker at today's Ivy Day celebration at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln is a college president who grew up roping calves and earned her Ph.D. at the prestigious Oxford University in England.
Breaking Brad: Stuck in a claw machine? You get no Easter candy
I know of one kid in Lincoln who will be receiving a lump of coal from the Easter Bunny, just as soon as he's extricated from that bowling alley claw machine.
Breaking Brad: Mountain lion season's over, but the bunny's fair game!
Thursday was the last day of a Nebraska Legislature session. Before leaving town, legislators passed a bill to hold a lottery to hunt the Easter Bunny.
Deadline Deal thumbnail
The Jaipur in Rockbrook Village
Half Off Fine Indian Cuisine & Drinks! $15 for Dinner, or $7 for Lunch
Buy Now
PHOTO GALLERIES »
< >
SPOTLIGHT »
Omaha World-Herald Contests
Enter for a chance to win great prizes.
OWH Store: Buy photos, books and articles
Buy photos, books and articles
Travel Snaps Photo
Going on Vacation? Take the Omaha World-Herald with you and you could the next Travel Snaps winner.
Click here to donate to Goodfellows
The 2011 Goodfellows fund drive provided holiday meals to nearly 5,000 families and their children, and raised more than $500,000 to help families in crisis year round.
WORLD-HERALD ALERTS »
Want to get World-Herald stories sent directly to your home or work computer? Sign up for Omaha.com's News Alerts and you will receive e-mails with the day's top stories.
Can't find what you need? Click here for site map »