Breaking Brad: One man's dog is another man's African lion - Omaha.com
Published Wednesday, August 28, 2013 at 10:31 am / Updated at 3:28 pm
Breaking Brad: One man's dog is another man's African lion

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* The Omaha City Council unanimously passed Mayor Jean Stothert's $793 million budget Tuesday. City Council members used the traditional “Rock-paper-scissors” method to make their decision.

* Welcome to Omaha, the only city with a parking czar and no permanent fire chief.

* Fire Chief Mike McDonnell announced he was leaving his post at a small press conference in front of a city fire engine. After, of course, checking to make sure no women were dancing atop the fire engine.

* McDonnell will receive the largest pension among Omaha public officials. That is comparable to winning the largest Powerball jackpot ever, only it involves more money.

* This is tantamount to growing the largest potato ever in Idaho.

* There were subtle signs the relationship between the mayor and fire chief was not working out. Take Stothert's second day in office, when she placed McDonnell in a collar-elbow hookup.

* McDonnell negotiated a pretty sweet exit deal with Mayor Stothert. Under terms of the arrangement, Stothert must begin every press conference by reciting the Fireman's Pledge.

* The Bellevue City Council is considering a restaurant tax. Bellevue may be borrowing ideas from Omaha. We'll know for sure when every third car in Bellevue is towed, side streets don't get plowed, and the mayor and police chief appear to hate one another.

* In a policy change, OPS teachers can now show YouTube videos in the classroom. Sure, what better preparation for the workforce than for students to watch funny cat videos all day?

* OPS teachers are also allowed to contact parents on Twitter. This is for parents who want to chart their kid's progress, but can only take hearing about that progress 140 characters at a time.

* A zoo in China put a dog inside a cage and tried to pass it off as an African lion. I'll never complain about the Lincoln zoo again.

* “Alert” zoo patrons realized it wasn't an actual lion. How alert do you have to be to realize the Schnauzer in the cage isn't a lion?

* Elton John will play Lincoln's Pinnacle Bank Arena in November. Your move, CenturyLink Center.

* Naturally people will see Elton's pink feather boa with purple and mauve pants in Lincoln and assume it's Adidas' latest alternate Husker football uniforms.

* Fifty years ago Wednesday, Martin Luther King, Jr. delivered his “I Have a Dream” speech and captivated a nation. Today, it'd be ranked fourth on YouTube, behind two funny dog videos and a cat playing with a baby.

* According to a CDC study, the nation's most obese states are Louisiana and Mississippi. Let's see if the Southeastern Conference goes around bragging about this.

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

Explosive device blows hole in windshield, damages another car
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Keystone XL pipeline backers blast 'political expediency' as foes hail ruling to delay decision
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Nebraska senators to study tax issues over break
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Interstate construction to cause lane shifts, closings in Omaha area
Kelly: A California university president returns to her Nebraska roots on Ivy Day
Omahan charged in fatal shooting in Benson neighborhood
Friday's attendance dips at Millard West after bathroom threat
High school slam poets don't just recite verses, 'they leave their hearts beating on the stage'
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Haze in area comes from Kansas, Oklahoma
Man taken into custody in domestic dispute
Omaha judge reprimanded for intervening in peer attorney's DUI case
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Police seek public's help in finding an armed man
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