Breaking Brad: One man's dog is another man's African lion - Omaha.com
Published Wednesday, August 28, 2013 at 10:31 am / Updated at 3:28 pm
Breaking Brad: One man's dog is another man's African lion

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

* * * * * * * * * *

Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* The Omaha City Council unanimously passed Mayor Jean Stothert's $793 million budget Tuesday. City Council members used the traditional “Rock-paper-scissors” method to make their decision.

* Welcome to Omaha, the only city with a parking czar and no permanent fire chief.

* Fire Chief Mike McDonnell announced he was leaving his post at a small press conference in front of a city fire engine. After, of course, checking to make sure no women were dancing atop the fire engine.

* McDonnell will receive the largest pension among Omaha public officials. That is comparable to winning the largest Powerball jackpot ever, only it involves more money.

* This is tantamount to growing the largest potato ever in Idaho.

* There were subtle signs the relationship between the mayor and fire chief was not working out. Take Stothert's second day in office, when she placed McDonnell in a collar-elbow hookup.

* McDonnell negotiated a pretty sweet exit deal with Mayor Stothert. Under terms of the arrangement, Stothert must begin every press conference by reciting the Fireman's Pledge.

* The Bellevue City Council is considering a restaurant tax. Bellevue may be borrowing ideas from Omaha. We'll know for sure when every third car in Bellevue is towed, side streets don't get plowed, and the mayor and police chief appear to hate one another.

* In a policy change, OPS teachers can now show YouTube videos in the classroom. Sure, what better preparation for the workforce than for students to watch funny cat videos all day?

* OPS teachers are also allowed to contact parents on Twitter. This is for parents who want to chart their kid's progress, but can only take hearing about that progress 140 characters at a time.

* A zoo in China put a dog inside a cage and tried to pass it off as an African lion. I'll never complain about the Lincoln zoo again.

* “Alert” zoo patrons realized it wasn't an actual lion. How alert do you have to be to realize the Schnauzer in the cage isn't a lion?

* Elton John will play Lincoln's Pinnacle Bank Arena in November. Your move, CenturyLink Center.

* Naturally people will see Elton's pink feather boa with purple and mauve pants in Lincoln and assume it's Adidas' latest alternate Husker football uniforms.

* Fifty years ago Wednesday, Martin Luther King, Jr. delivered his “I Have a Dream” speech and captivated a nation. Today, it'd be ranked fourth on YouTube, behind two funny dog videos and a cat playing with a baby.

* According to a CDC study, the nation's most obese states are Louisiana and Mississippi. Let's see if the Southeastern Conference goes around bragging about this.

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

Midlands runners ready for Boston Marathon
City Council to vote on adding Bluffs pedestrian safety lights
Families from area shelters treated to meal at Old Chicago
Omaha police investigate two Sunday shootings
Sole big donor to Beau McCoy says he expects nothing in return
Firefighters battle brush fire near Fontenelle Forest
Sioux City riverboat casino prepares to close, still hoping to be saved
Omaha high schoolers to help canvass for Heartland 2050
Mizzou alumni aim to attract veterinary students to Henry Doorly Zoo
Grant ensures that Sioux City can start building children's museum
Party looks to 'nudge' women into public office in Iowa
For birthday, Brownell-Talbot student opts to give, not get
Two taken to hospital after fire at Benson home
Grace: Pipe organ concert a tribute to couple's enduring love
Omaha-area jails and ERs new front line in battling mental illness
Convicted killer Nikko Jenkins might await his sentence in prison
Kelly: 70 years after a deadly D-Day rehearsal, Omahan, WWII vet will return to Europe
Civil rights hearing to consider voting policies in Midwest
17 senators in Nebraska Legislature hit their (term) limits
It's a pursuit of pastel at Spring Lake Park's Easter egg hunt
Financial picture improving for city-owned Mid-America Center
No injuries after fire at midtown's old Mercer Mansion
29-year-old Omahan arrested for 22nd time in Lincoln
Police: Slaying of woman in Ralston apartment likely over drugs
Explosion near 29th, Woolworth damages vehicles
< >
COLUMNISTS »
Kelly: 70 years after a deadly D-Day rehearsal, Omahan, WWII vet will return to Europe
A World War II veteran from Omaha will return this week to Europe to commemorate a tragedy in the run-up to D-Day.
Dickson’s Week in Review, April 13-19
On Twitter some guy tweeted that the spring game isn’t taken as seriously as a regular-season contest. What was your first clue? When the head coach entered waving a cat aloft?
Kelly: A California university president returns to her Nebraska roots on Ivy Day
The main speaker at today's Ivy Day celebration at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln is a college president who grew up roping calves and earned her Ph.D. at the prestigious Oxford University in England.
Breaking Brad: Stuck in a claw machine? You get no Easter candy
I know of one kid in Lincoln who will be receiving a lump of coal from the Easter Bunny, just as soon as he's extricated from that bowling alley claw machine.
Breaking Brad: Mountain lion season's over, but the bunny's fair game!
Thursday was the last day of a Nebraska Legislature session. Before leaving town, legislators passed a bill to hold a lottery to hunt the Easter Bunny.
Deadline Deal thumbnail
The Jaipur in Rockbrook Village
Half Off Fine Indian Cuisine & Drinks! $15 for Dinner, or $7 for Lunch
Buy Now
PHOTO GALLERIES »
< >
SPOTLIGHT »
Omaha World-Herald Contests
Enter for a chance to win great prizes.
OWH Store: Buy photos, books and articles
Buy photos, books and articles
Travel Snaps Photo
Going on Vacation? Take the Omaha World-Herald with you and you could the next Travel Snaps winner.
Click here to donate to Goodfellows
The 2011 Goodfellows fund drive provided holiday meals to nearly 5,000 families and their children, and raised more than $500,000 to help families in crisis year round.
WORLD-HERALD ALERTS »
Want to get World-Herald stories sent directly to your home or work computer? Sign up for Omaha.com's News Alerts and you will receive e-mails with the day's top stories.
Can't find what you need? Click here for site map »