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* Mayor Jean Stothert has proposed an aquatic center for northwest Omaha. With the budget problems in Omaha, I'd suggest instead waiting for a heavy rain and then stocking our potholes with exotic fish.
* If the aquatic center goes forward, Papillion officials have one request: no Zebra mussels.
* Over the weekend, the first Beer and Bacon Festival was held in Omaha. No shortage of fans of either of those in town. If it was the Beer, Bacon and Fireworks, festival crowds would have reached the 10-million mark.
* Congress has left town for a five-week recess. Some members of Congress plan to do nothing but sit on their rear ends. Oh, so it's a working vacation.
* President Obama turned 52 on Monday. Scary thing is he's now at an age where a lot of men start to get a little gray, take longer vacations and become less tolerant of co-workers. For example, Congress.
* Japan has just launched a "talking robot." Sounds like somebody has been watching some old episodes of "Lost In Space."
* Alex Rodriguez may be facing a 214-game suspension. I have a tougher punishment. Make him play the next 215 games with his current team, the Trenton, N.J. Thunder.
* According to an early poll, in the Wyoming Senate race Liz Cheney badly trails her opponent, Mike Enzi. I can picture father Dick Cheney going, “So you want me to have a couple Air Force bombers strafe Enzi headquarters?” “Dad - I'm fine, thank you.”
* The U.S. Marine Corps Band has purchased a $78,710 Steinway Grand Piano. With the sequester cuts, Republicans say instead the Marine Corps Band should be learning “When The Saints Come Marching In” on kazoo.
* Scientists have successfully produced false memories in lab mice. The potential societal significance is huge. Up till now, the only false memories observed have all been in members of Congress under indictment giving their depositions.
* In Los Angeles a thief stole a $70,000 van belonging to the music group Flock of Seagulls. It was actually a $10,000 van containing $60,000 worth of hair gel.
* In Beckley, West Va., a shoplifter stole an alligator from a pet store by hiding it under his shirt. I have the perfect punishment. After he's apprehended, make him keep the alligator under his shirt as it grows.
* On “The Bachelorette,” Desiree is not sure she can continue after her “dream guy” doesn't want her. There are two other men left. Instead of selecting a future life partner, the guy she picks will henceforth be known as “Consolation Dude.”
* I can picture that final ceremony. “Would you be my rebound guy?”
* Producers are feverishly searching for a solution to further publicly humiliate everyone involved ... I mean, decide how Desiree can now best find her Prince Charming.
* The Big Ten extended its agreement with the Capital One and Outback Bowls through 2019 when, if Commissioner Jim Delany has his way, the conference will be known as The Big 28.
* Last week Alex Rodriguez turned 38. If you're shopping for a belated gift, you can't go wrong with clean urine.
* After A-Rod's party, the cake frosting tested positive for performance enhancers.
* There is a new plea for NBC to boycott the Olympics in Russia. If your idea of an Olympics involves men's hockey, running events, boxing, speed-skating and weightlifting, NBC has pretty much been boycotting the Olympics for about 24 years.