Breaking Brad: Fast food workers going on strike! What will we do? -
Published Tuesday, July 30, 2013 at 8:52 am / Updated at 11:54 am
Breaking Brad: Fast food workers going on strike! What will we do?

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at and follow him on Twitter.

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* Quintuplets were just born in Omaha. To capitalize the Douglas County Board is trying to rush through an emergency “Pacifier tax.”

* On a CNBC “quality of life” survey, Nebraska ranks no. 4 partially due our stress-free lifestyle. So apparently driving home from work on snow-packed streets to find a notice of OPPD and property tax hikes is no longer considered stressful.

* A priceless baseball bat once owned by Jackie Robinson almost sold for $1 at a Des Moines garage sale. After learning it was a priceless Jackie Robinson bat he was trying to sell for $1, the guy holding the garage sale said: “Just a second — that'll be $2!”

* Fast-food workers around the nation are planning to walk off the job later this week. Americans have come to rely on fast food so much by day two we'll be resorting to cannibalism.

* The day after Hillary Clinton had lunch with President Obama, she had breakfast with Joe Biden. Considering how the 2016 election is shaping up, the Biden-Clinton breakfast was like a professional boxing match, only with a longer stare-down.

* This was the first political breakfast to take place inside an octagon.

* It was a prayer breakfast. Both Biden and Clinton prayed the other gets caught in a scandal.

* I'm beginning to think the media's priorities are out of whack. For instance, it was just announced that all coverage of the upcoming G20 summit in Russia will be pre-empted the first night for a two-hour special on a royal baby diaper change.

* NBC is planning a four-part mini-series on Hillary Clinton. Because of the cutbacks at NBC, Bill Clinton will be played by the actor who portrayed the veterinarian in the canceled “Animal Practice” and is still under contract.

* Congress is going to begin monitoring Detroit's finances. You thought the situation was a mess before. Soon Detroit could be $16 trillion in debt.

* Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.) is calling on the U.S. to boycott the 2014 Winter Olympics to get Russia's attention. Why do we have to boycott the Olympics? Couldn't we boycott Hour 217 of ABC's royal family baby coverage instead?

* Sixty-three percent of Americans feel there has been too much coverage of the royal baby. You've spoken, America, and the media has heard you loud and clear. Tonight's scheduled coverage of the royal baby will be replaced by a two-hour special on Jennifer Aniston's latest hairdo.

* Two percent of Americans feel there hasn't been enough media coverage of the royal baby. I believe these are the same people who call the network to complain that the president's state of the union address preempted “Wipe Out!”

* Rjukan, Norway is going to use giant mirrors overhead to direct light to the town during dark winter months. If any place set up gigantic mirrors over the city I always assumed it'd be Los Angeles.

* The giant mirrors will reflect sunlight to town during dark winter months. If there's any extra money in the Omaha city budget ...

* Quoting from a new report, going on Facebook often may make you fat. According to a separate study, using Facebook can lead to divorce. The nice thing is, even after you're fat and divorced you can log on to Facebook and make it seem like you've got the best life ever.

* Construction crews in Atlanta unearthed a Civil War cannonball. A group of Confederate flag-waving SEC football fans shouted: “We told you the war wasn't over!”

* Oprah Winfrey has landed a big interview with Lindsay Lohan. Security will be extremely tight. That's mostly to keep Lindsay from walking off with Oprah's earrings.

* Finally, a smart move by Lohan. Compared to Lance Armstrong's interview with Oprah, even she's bound to come off well.

Explosion near 29th, Woolworth damages vehicles
Omaha police arrest man, 19, accused in March shooting
Earth gets its day in the sun at Elmwood Park
Beau McCoy strikes Obama doll in TV ad; Democrats are not happy
17 senators in Nebraska Legislature hit their (term) limits
No injuries after fire at midtown's old Mercer Mansion
Financial picture improving for city-owned Mid-America Center
Police: Slaying of woman in Ralston apartment likely over drugs
It's a pursuit of pastel at Spring Lake Park's Easter egg hunt
Keystone XL pipeline backers blast 'political expediency' as foes hail ruling to delay decision
29-year-old Omahan arrested for 22nd time in Lincoln
Nebraska senators to study tax issues over break
Portion of Saddle Creek Road closed after water main break
Teenager arrested after woman's purse is snatched outside Omaha store
Police identify 21-year-old shot in ankle near 30th, W Streets
Cult murderer's death row appeal denied, but execution in limbo
Interstate construction to cause lane shifts, closings in Omaha area
Kelly: A California university president returns to her Nebraska roots on Ivy Day
Omahan charged in fatal shooting in Benson neighborhood
Friday's attendance dips at Millard West after bathroom threat
High school slam poets don't just recite verses, 'they leave their hearts beating on the stage'
Crack ring's leaders join others in prison as a result of Operation Purple Haze
Haze in area comes from Kansas, Oklahoma
Man taken into custody in domestic dispute
Omaha judge reprimanded for intervening in peer attorney's DUI case
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Dickson’s Week in Review, April 13-19
On Twitter some guy tweeted that the spring game isn’t taken as seriously as a regular-season contest. What was your first clue? When the head coach entered waving a cat aloft?
Kelly: A California university president returns to her Nebraska roots on Ivy Day
The main speaker at today's Ivy Day celebration at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln is a college president who grew up roping calves and earned her Ph.D. at the prestigious Oxford University in England.
Breaking Brad: Stuck in a claw machine? You get no Easter candy
I know of one kid in Lincoln who will be receiving a lump of coal from the Easter Bunny, just as soon as he's extricated from that bowling alley claw machine.
Breaking Brad: Mountain lion season's over, but the bunny's fair game!
Thursday was the last day of a Nebraska Legislature session. Before leaving town, legislators passed a bill to hold a lottery to hunt the Easter Bunny.
Breaking Brad: At least my kid never got stuck inside a claw machine
We need a new rule in Lincoln. If your kid is discovered inside the claw machine at a bowling alley, you are forever barred from being nominated for "Mother of the Year."
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