Breaking Brad: Here's why you don't mess with Vladimir Putin - Omaha.com
Published Monday, July 29, 2013 at 1:30 pm / Updated at 12:22 pm
Brad Dickson
Breaking Brad: Here's why you don't mess with Vladimir Putin

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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* Tropical Storm Flossie is bearing down on Hawaii. Flossie? Apparently the American Dental Association is now purchasing naming rights to storms in a reminder to Americans to practice good oral hygiene.

* Geraldo Rivera, 70, tweeted a risque photo of himself. I'm thinking this could be the one to finally shutdown Twitter.

* Geraldo blamed tequila. No word yet if tequila had anything to do with the opening Al Capone's vault special a few years ago.

* The top Russian critic of President Vladimir Putin is going to be jailed for five years. We have something similar in the U.S. where we take the president's top critic and give him a five-year contract to host a primetime show on Fox News.

* There were record low temperatures in Omaha over the weekend. It got down to 48 degrees. The temperature between the mayor and fire chief was minus 17.

* The campaign chief of New York City mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner has resigned. I'd like to think it's because the campaign manager has a firm grasp of morality, ethics and the responsibility that goes with being part of the American political process, but, it's probably because he just saw Weiner's latest poll numbers.

* The campaign chief was going to call Weiner to tell him he was resigning, but remembered that's impossible since Weiner's wife tossed his cellphone into the Hudson.

* Prince George got a cold dose of royal family reality when 500 reporters stepped over him to run down the street after a rumored Pippa Middleton sighting.

* There have been six King Georges in Great Britain. That's sort of like our six George Foremans.

* On Monday, President Obama and Hillary Clinton met for a private lunch at the White House. Everything was congenial. That shows how things change. I remember a few years ago when both those people would've brought a food taster to the meal.

* On Friday Mick Jagger turns 70. He looks pretty good, probably because he's usually photographed standing beside Keith Richards.

* A dating reporter in New York claims that men and women are “equally shallow.” That's amazing. I don't mean that men and women are both shallow. No, it's amazing that someone can earn a living as a “dating reporter.”

* Boston Red Sox slugger David Ortiz went berserk and smashed a dugout phone. Last time I saw someone destroy a phone like that it was Anthony Weiner's wife.

* I'm trying to confirm that just prior to the incident Ortiz shouted into the receiver, “For the last time, no, I don't want to switch my long-distance carrier!”

* The Nashville Predators of the NHL unveiled a rink featuring yellow ice. Either this is an overt attention-seeking ploy for publicity, or, the team mascot couldn't hold it.

* The Detroit Tigers are reportedly interested in Tim Lincecum. Sure, next time Lincecum gets a haircut it will cost so much Detroit will be able to emerge from bankruptcy.

* In an interview Charles Barkley explained why he's not on Twitter. I'm guessing Barkley's not on Twitter because the state dept. is concerned it could lead to World War III.

* Barkley already has a forum for his most outrageous, ridiculous, absurd statements. It's called “TNT.”

* A giant video screen outside the Brickyard 400 NASCAR race over the weekend contained pro-marijuana messages. Don't regular marijuana users have a tough enough time remembering where they parked their cars without this?

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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