Breaking Brad: All I want for Christmas is a royal baby barf bag - Omaha.com
Published Friday, July 26, 2013 at 2:10 pm / Updated at 2:35 pm
Breaking Brad: All I want for Christmas is a royal baby barf bag

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read Brad's morning jokes.

* A weird new souvenir item is available in Great Britain -- official royal baby barf bags. One more Barbara Walters hourlong special on the royal baby, and I may need one.

* Just make sure you get the official royal baby barf bags. You wouldn't want the tacky knock-off baby barf bags.

* George Brett has stepped down as the Kansas City Royals' interim batting coach. To give you an idea how much the Royals were struggling when he started, a guy walking around the world backward said, "I wouldn't want a challenge that big."

* This means President Obama once again has the toughest job in the country.

* According to a new report, at least one NBA player may be linked to a Biogenesis clinic in Florida. The NBA commissioner is vowing to come down hard ... unless it's a member of the Charlotte Bobcats, who can use all the help they can get.

* New York City mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner has plunged to 16 percent in the polls. He's philosophical. That's still four percent higher than his approval rating would be if he'd stayed in Congress.

* Facebook stock surged 31 percent after a positive earnings report. One avid Facebook user was so excited, he was going to call all his friends, but then he realized he didn't actually know any of his friends.

* Imagine how well Facebook would be doing if its users could figure out even one new feature?

* After the stock soared, Mark Zuckerberg decided to splurge by upgrading his mo-ped and buying the $9 shirts at Gap.

* The Edmonton Oilers fired coach Ralph Krueger over Skype. Ah, the age we live in. Krueger was then able to moon the owner on Instagram.

* The University of Oregon has unveiled new football uniforms. The U.S. Surgeon General warned the uniforms are not to be viewed with the naked eye.

* University of Florida linebacker Antonio Morrison was arrested for allegedly barking at a police dog. The interesting thing is -- this was the last crime a football player had not committed in the past six months.

* A Washington Redskins fan received a "Redskins-themed funeral" and a Cleveland Browns fan took a shot at the franchise in his obituary. Who says we take football too seriously?

Also from Brad: What would Abe Lincoln look like in butter?

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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COLUMNISTS »
Kelly: A California university president returns to her Nebraska roots on Ivy Day
The main speaker at today's Ivy Day celebration at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln is a college president who grew up roping calves and earned her Ph.D. at the prestigious Oxford University in England.
Breaking Brad: Stuck in a claw machine? You get no Easter candy
I know of one kid in Lincoln who will be receiving a lump of coal from the Easter Bunny, just as soon as he's extricated from that bowling alley claw machine.
Breaking Brad: Mountain lion season's over, but the bunny's fair game!
Thursday was the last day of a Nebraska Legislature session. Before leaving town, legislators passed a bill to hold a lottery to hunt the Easter Bunny.
Breaking Brad: At least my kid never got stuck inside a claw machine
We need a new rule in Lincoln. If your kid is discovered inside the claw machine at a bowling alley, you are forever barred from being nominated for "Mother of the Year."
Breaking Brad: How many MECA board members can we put in a luxury suite?
As a stunt at the Blue Man Group show, MECA board members are going to see how many people they can stuff into one luxury suite.
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