Breaking Brad: Does President Obama need a spanking? - Omaha.com
Published Thursday, July 25, 2013 at 9:02 am / Updated at 9:30 am
Breaking Brad: Does President Obama need a spanking?

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* Mayor Jean Stothert is calling for the police to investigate a woman in a short skirt photographed inside an Omaha fire station. Did I miss the story where every crime in Omaha had been solved?

* It appears that some sort of bachelorette party may have been held inside an Omaha fire station. The only thing tackier would be if a limbo contest broke out during a City Council meeting.

* The fire union is suing the city, mayor and fire chief over Mayor Stothert's proposed budget. It’s henceforth known as the "Did-we-miss-anyone?" lawsuit.

* "Weird Al" Yankovic performs at the Orpheum in Omaha on Thursday night. Between this and our Lingerie Football League team, nobody will ever again say Omaha lacks culture.

* About a year after digging began in the backyard of a Mahaska County, Iowa, home, three 16,000-year-old wooly mammoths have been unearthed. The homeowner wishes to remain anonymous; other Mahaska County residents are pretty sure it’s the guy with the 25 cranes, the 15 bulldozers and the 55 anthropologists in his yard.

* Do you think, thousands of years from now, someone in Iowa will unearth a leg bone and be shocked when they reconstruct a butter cow? "This is what roamed earth in 2013."

* Federal investigators are investigating whether the tail lights of Mercedes' cars can catch fire. I think that’s pretty much the only way to get Omaha drivers to signal before turning.

* President Obama blasted congressional Republicans for "an endless parade of distractions." Congressional Republicans said they’d get back to him after debating the new bill to provide funding to give mandolins to zoo animals.

* The "other woman" in the Anthony Weiner sexting scandal has been identified as Sydney Leathers. That’s her real name. Weiner used the alias "Carlos Danger." This is the first scandal where the parties involved sound like Batman foils.

* "C'mon, Robin. We have to capture the Joker, the Riddler, Carlos Danger and Sydney Leathers."

* The New York Times called on the again-disgraced Weiner to drop out of the mayor's race. Then, The Times went on to call on every Republican in the nation to drop out of his or her race.

* The Obamas have been searching for an appropriate gift for the royal baby. With all of our budget problems, Joe Biden has been ripping open Cracker Jack boxes looking for a free toy.

* Tropical storm Dorian is building in the Atlantic. The last tropical storm was Chantal. Sounds like someone at the National Storm Center has been reading "The Big Book of Baby Names, 2013."

* According to a new study, mosquitoes often bite those they are most attracted to. This means in addition to annoying, mosquito bites are also really weird.

* Rep. Michele Bachmann said she'd like to "spank" President Obama. So it’s nice to see the two major parties at least making an effort to communicate.

* After hearing Bachmann say she wants to spank Obama, Anthony Weiner said: "Oh? Can you text me more details?"

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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