Breaking Brad: Why apply for a job when you can just rob the place? - Omaha.com
Published Wednesday, July 24, 2013 at 8:59 am / Updated at 9:30 am
Breaking Brad: Why apply for a job when you can just rob the place?

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* It’s a beautiful day in Omaha. The birds are singing, the flowers are blooming and the Fire Department is suing the city and the mayor over the budget.

* A quick schedule change: The all-night kegger and toga party scheduled for Omaha Fire Station 19890 this Saturday night has been postponed indefinitely.

* Photos were taken of a woman posing in a short skirt atop an Omaha fire truck inside an Omaha fire station. We have the only Fire Department with a two-drink minimum.

* In the photos, each of the firefighters has a string of beads around his neck. No wrongdoing there. Mayor Stothert’s new budget calls for firefighters to be paid in beads and trinkets.

* The photos were emailed to a mayor's office hotline. I’m going out on a limb and guess that provisions for this activity are not in Mayor Stothert’s Fire Department budget.

* An Omaha City Council member said this is the kind of thing that can happen when firefighters don’t have enough to do. Because he’s a member of the City Council criticizing someone else for not having enough to do, he invoked the "pot-calling-the-kettle-black" statute.

* Counties in Kansas, northern Colorado and western Nebraska have considered forming a 51st state called Northern Colorado. I’m against this for the simple reason it’ll mean two more U.S. senators and about three new House members to screw up the country.

* New York City mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner has admitted to having new phone chats with a 22-year-old woman. Weiner’s calls were monitored by the NSA -- National Sexting Association.

* Weiner used the alias "Carlos Danger." This raised a red flag. If he had it to do over again, he’d use a more plausible pseudonym ... like "Eliot Spitzer."

* A California woman gave birth to a baby that weighed 13 pounds, 10 ounces. Am I the only one looking forward to these photos more than the ones of the royal baby?

* President and Michelle Obama have been searching for a suitable gift for the royal baby. With the sequester and budget cuts, they’ve decided to send over a Tickle Me Elmo knock-off from a dollar store called Tickle Me Fred.

* The royal baby is reportedly doing well. Still, I don’t envy this kid. Imagine when he speaks his first complete sentence and Prince Charles criticizes his grammar?

* The royal baby is expected to bring in over $400 million to the British economy. Desperate Detroit officials are seeing if there’s some way they can have a royal baby.

* The biggest relief for Kate? She’s no longer eating British food for two.

* On Wednesday, President Obama gives a speech on the economy at Knox College in Illinois, a few miles down the road from where the Big Ten meetings are being held. After hearing that "the most powerful man in the world is coming,” both Urban Meyer and Jim Delany thought they were being referenced.

* I saw an interview with an Iranian resident who said he hopes the new president delivers on his campaign promises. OK, this is when you know a nation is new to democracy.

* In Ocala, Fla., a man applied for a job at a gas station, then turned around and allegedly robbed the place. Let me quickly check the "Things Not To Do On a Job Interview" article. Yep, here it is. No. 1: "Do not rob the interviewer."

* I’m going to guess that the interview did not go well.

* I can picture that call the next day. "Yeah, Tom, we appreciate you coming in. But we decided not to hire you after you stole all our money."

* What are the odds something this stupid would happen in Florida? About 50-50.

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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