Breaking Brad: The royal baby and a national park on the moon - Omaha.com
Published Monday, July 22, 2013 at 12:01 am / Updated at 8:19 am
Breaking Brad: The royal baby and a national park on the moon

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* Bellevue was struck by golf ball-size hail Sunday. If this happened a couple weeks ago, I would have assumed it was yet another promotion for the U.S. Senior Open.

* Next year Omaha Public Schools buses are going to be a “greener ride.” Due to our budget problems, OPS Board members will be pushing them.

* Omaha Mayor Jean Stothert's chief of staff Marty Bilek was given permission to carry a concealed weapon in the building, but he will buy his own bullets. Each day the line seems to blur a little more between factual Omaha news and my punchlines.

* A member of the Cuban National baseball team is believed to have defected near West Des Moines. He just got his first look at the Des Moines Register, and now that state-run Cuban newspaper doesn't seem all that politically biased

* Two U.S. Representatives have proposed creating a national park on the moon. It'll sort of be like the Kearney Archway, only with more visitors and easier access.

* The horse that plays Silver in “The Lone Ranger” is from Ogallala, Neb. OK, that's one reason to see “The Lone Ranger.”

* Ogalalla is beaming with pride. Not only is a local horse in the movie, but his is the best acting in the film.

* RAGBRAI, the seven-day bike ride across Iowa, began Sunday in Council Bluffs. Riders find inspiration in the thought that the faster they pedal the sooner they get away from more news about the Council Bluffs 'Teen Mom.'

* I like RAGBRAI. It's sort of nice to see one large group of people on bicycles and the only performance enhancer is Bud Lite.

* Lance Armstrong is riding part of RAGBRAI. It's the part where the riders are stopped every five miles to be drug-tested.

* British cyclist Chris Froome has won the 2013 Tour de France. The only way he could have topped this is by finishing the final stage pedaling into Paris and holding the newborn royal baby aloft.

* The Duchess of Cambridge went into labor early Monday morning after the royal family was finally convinced that there was no way that a servant could go through labor for her.

* Over the weekend Prince William and Kate lookalikes were spotted outside the hospital in London. If someone brings in a Prince Charles lookalike with huge, prosthetic ears, I may finally join the royal baby watch.

* Somebody realized it wasn't the real William and Kate after noting that Kate probably wouldn't be wearing a shirt reading “Baby” with an arrow pointing toward her belly.

* On Monday President Obama speaks to a “pro-Obama advocacy group that hopes to push the president's agenda,” a.k.a., “the CNN employee union.”

* Detroit filed for bankruptcy. The official motto of the city: “Speramus meliora; resurget cineribus.” Which means, “Buddy, can you spare a buck?”

* It would never come to this in Omaha. If Omaha got remotely close to a bankruptcy, Douglas County property taxes would just be quintupled overnight.

* Rapper Jay-Z sad that he sometimes texts with President Obama. No wonder Obama doesn't communicate much with Republicans - he's too busy texting Jay-Z.

* As much of a privacy advocate as I am, I'd like to see the NSA log one of those Obama-Jay-Z texts.

* The “world's largest building” has opened in China. And I'd like to congratulate Costco on ... no?

* Mitt Romney is about to emerge from seclusion as he hosts a fundraiser near his vacation home on Lake Winnipesaukee. It's mostly a misunderstanding. Organizers were asked if they wanted the guy from Lake Winnipesaukee and thought it meant Garrison Keillor.

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

Sole big donor to Beau McCoy says he expects nothing in return
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Police: Slaying of woman in Ralston apartment likely over drugs
Explosion near 29th, Woolworth damages vehicles
Omaha police arrest man, 19, accused in March shooting
Earth gets its day in the sun at Elmwood Park
Beau McCoy strikes Obama doll in TV ad; Democrats are not happy
Keystone XL pipeline backers blast 'political expediency' as foes hail ruling to delay decision
Nebraska senators to study tax issues over break
Portion of Saddle Creek Road closed after water main break
Teenager arrested after woman's purse is snatched outside Omaha store
Police identify 21-year-old shot in ankle near 30th, W Streets
Cult murderer's death row appeal denied, but execution in limbo
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