Breaking Brad: Waiting for the royal baby edition - Omaha.com
Published Monday, July 22, 2013 at 12:00 pm / Updated at 12:24 pm
Breaking Brad: Waiting for the royal baby edition

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's afternoon edition.

* Saturday was Fireworks Amnesty Day in Omaha. Two simulator grenades were also turned in. OK, this is when you know fireworks in Omaha are officially out of control.

* The royal baby is expected to arrive in traditional fashion - waving as he or she exits the womb.

* Monday morning all of Britain was standing in front of TV sets going, "Push, push."

* While most have been supportive, Simon Cowell showed up at the hospital to criticize the royal baby.

* The doctor slapped the baby and was promptly hauled off to prison for touching a member of the royal family.

* A British man won the Tour de France, and a Brit won the men's Wimbledon singles title. Thank goodness for Joey Chestnut keeping that American pride alive.

* Florida U. linebacker Antonio Morrison was arrested for alllegedly barking at a police dog and promptly suspended for two games. During his suspension, Georgia has kindly offered to let Morrison fill in for Uga IX.

* Through the first three games of its Werner Park “Friendship Series” with the U.S., the Cuban team was hitting .158. All I can say is: Good thing the series isn't being played at TD Ameritrade Park. The Cuban team batting average would be so low the friendship series could result in war.

* Washington Nationals shortstop Ian Desmond shaved his goatee during a game. This is when you know MLB players pace themselves - it's mid July, you look up, and the guy on second has a razor in one hand, shaving cream in the other.

* A tennis fan in London got Andy Murray's named tattooed on his bare bottom after losing a bet to his mates. My initial reaction: Prince Harry's gone too far this time.

* A-Rod: “I want to stay in New York.” To give you an idea of A-Rod's popularity, everyone else in New York said: “OK, then we're leaving.”

* The Big Ten conference signed to host an annual football bowl game at Ford Field in Detroit. You know the Big Ten will be a gracious host. Because it's a bowl game the opponent will almost always win.

* It's a six-year deal, which should be enough time for the Big Ten to win one.

* Beach volleyball player Kerri Walsh Jennings appears in the ESPN The Magazine's The Body issue nude. Or, as a beach volleyball player calls that: “My work clothes.”

* The World Series of Poker just ended, and the Big Ten meetings are about to start. The big difference between the two? The World Series of Poker features less bluffing.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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