Breaking Brad: A NYC political season reminiscent of Jerry Springer - Omaha.com
Published Thursday, July 18, 2013 at 9:28 am / Updated at 10:37 am
Breaking Brad: A NYC political season reminiscent of Jerry Springer

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* All of the publicity for the royal family's baby is ridiculous. I'm just proud to be an American where we reserve this type of round-the-clock attention for the birth of a new panda bear at a zoo.

* Omaha Mayor Jean Stothert said she wants a new fire chief. Already. This is shaping up as the political equivalent of the Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries marriage.

* Stothert will now allow department heads to discuss their budgets publicly. The fire chief has yet to call a press conference to finish the sentence he began three weeks ago. "OK, now where was I?"

* Stothert supports giving UNO $6 million toward a new sports arena. To come up with the $6 million, Stothert wants to sell our fire trucks on eBay and replace 'em with Yugos with hoses.

* According to reports, Edward Snowden has some new, damaging information. I'm starting to think he's desperate for attention. He called a press conference to announce the Moscow airport restaurant doesn't use real butter.

* Sarah Palin said she may run for U.S. Senate ... unless you can think of a better way to promote a new book and a reality show pilot.

* The federal government is retiring most of its research chimps. This comes after realizing keeping both the chimps and Congress was redundant.

* To restore student loans to their earlier rate, the Senate reached a bipartisan agreement. I believe this was called the "Even a blind squirrel sometimes finds a nut" bill.

* George W. Bush said he doesn't "speak much with President Obama." Joe Biden, John Boehner and Harry Reid immediately said, "you neither?"

* Ex-N.Y. Gov. Eliot Spitzer is running for New York City comptroller, and ex-congressman Anthony Weiner is running for mayor. New York will be the only place in America with "pants optional" city government meetings.

* Spitzer's opponent is an ex-madam. The list of candidates in New York City sounds eerily like the guest lineup on "The Jerry Springer Show."

* On Wednesday, the heat index surpassed 105 degrees in Philadelphia. A group of Philly sports fans stood in the streets booing Mother Nature.

* New England states have been experiencing a record-setting July heat wave. I guess that means temperatures in the upper-60s.

* The supposed future of advertising: six-second videos. That's still five-and-a-half more seconds than I can take of the Allstate Guy.

* Six-second videos? So they think the attention spans of Americans are going to lengthen?

* Lady Gaga has temporarily disabled her Twitter account, which means millions of Americans are standing slack-jawed and motionless, staring into space and awaiting some direction on what to do in the 16 hours each day they're not asleep.

* Jenny McCarthy is joining "The View." Couldn't they find someone who's known for fewer outrageous quotes? Say, Charlie Sheen, Mike Tyson or Amanda Bynes?

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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