Breaking Brad: Surprise entry on OWH's Husker Camp Countdown - Omaha.com
Published Monday, July 15, 2013 at 1:00 pm / Updated at 3:45 pm
Breaking Brad: Surprise entry on OWH's Husker Camp Countdown

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here for Brad's morning jokes.

* The U.S. Senior Open drew the largest crowd to watch a sporting event in Omaha. Normally when you see that many people in Omaha, they're lining up to listen to Charlie Munger or buy firecrackers.

* Carly Rae Jepsen of "Call Me Maybe" fame threw out the worst ceremonial first pitch of the season before a Major League Baseball game. She needs to stick to sing ... no, scratch that, too.

* "The Lone Ranger" may be on track to lose $150 million for Disney. To get the money back, it will soon cost $987 for a family of four to get into Disney World.

* This week, some low-level IRS employees will be testifying before Congress. Americans will be glued to their TV sets hoping to see the guy who audited them a few years ago.

* According to a study, the human race may become extinct soon. It's pretty obvious this is due to people refusing to reproduce because they don't want their offspring to have to sit through "Grown Ups III."

* The World-Herald continues to count down 50 Husker players to watch. We're down to No. 19 – Matt Damon's nephew.

* Edward Snowden held a press conference in the Moscow airport over the weekend. I'm beginning to feel that Snowden enjoys the limelight. The subject of the presser was: “How I feel about the George Zimmerman verdict.”

* The entire George Zimmerman jury in Florida consisted of six people. It looked like the crowd at a Marlins game.

* Elisabeth Hasselbeck is joining “Fox & Friends.” The other “Fox & Friends” hosts say they look forward to the challenge of trying to get a word in edgewise.

* The CEO of Barnes and Noble is out. His retirement gift? Over 2 million unsold Barnes and Noble Nooks.

* A San Diego judge ruled it's legal to teach yoga in public schools. If this works out, California public schools may experiment with teaching kids history and science.

* The key to living to 150? A chemical found in red wine and chocolate. So not only will we live to 150, but we'll have fun doing so.

* In advertising news, the E-Trade talking baby from commercials is reportedly out. After being told he was fired he said, “What @#$%. I've been busting my @#% and they treat me like the Men's Wearhouse guy?”

* KIA may be coming out with a sports car targeted at young, single men. This is obviously an attempt at controlling world population.

* A Major League Baseball umpire named Brian Runge has become the first ump fired for failing a drug test. I don't know what drug the MLB ump was using, but based on the calls this summer we can rule out that new smart pill.

* Even though the umpire has been kicked out of baseball, the other umpires called him safe.

* Johnny Manziel left the Manning Passing Academy early. I'm guessing this is because they refused to change the name to the Manziel Passing Academy.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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