Breaking Brad: Does Justin Bieber have more than one song? - Omaha.com
Published Tuesday, July 9, 2013 at 9:29 am / Updated at 10:25 am
Breaking Brad: Does Justin Bieber have more than one song?

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* It looks like Douglas County property taxes may increase. I thought that was impossible?

* There is a "heat advisory" for Omaha on Tuesday afternoon. I'd like to welcome the out-of-town visitors who just arrived for the U.S. Senior Open and made it almost five feet from the plane before being hit with the first weather advisory.

* In the course of the next few days, you should brace yourself for approximately 25 more weather advisories, alerts, watches and warnings.

* Four wallabies that escaped from their enclosure at a Des Moines zoo were re-captured. I can just picture a first-time visitor to town seeing four wallabies running down the street and going: "They weren't kidding when they said Des Moines is different from the rest of Iowa."

* Imagine if they'd escaped from the zoo? Some would see wallabies racing through Des Moines in July and assume it was a preview of this year's new menu item at the Iowa State Fair: Wallaby on a Stick.

* A quick message for the parents in the audience at Justin Bieber's Omaha concert Saturday night because apparently there is some confusion: Bieber did not sing the same song 23 times. It just seemed like it.

* At the concert, Justin Bieber appeared to be trying to appeal to his "older fans" -- the 9-year-olds.

* Lincoln has approved its first downtown entertainment district. I can remember not too long ago when downtown Lincoln on a Saturday night was classified as a wilderness preserve.

* Douglas County has a new seal. With our budget woes, it's Des Moines' old seal with "Des Moines" crossed out and "Omaha" penciled in.

* Dennis Rodman appears on the cover of Sports Illustrated's "Where Are They Now?" issue. This is not good. It means future U.S.-North Korean peace talks could fall through due to the S.I. cover jinx.

* A new planet was recently discovered. A desperate Edward Snowden applied for asylum there.

* Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro offered asylum to Edward Snowden right before a huge military parade began. This may give Snowden pause. It wasn't a holiday -- the huge military parades are every Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday.

* President Obama has nominated James Comey for FBI Director. This comes after senior aides convinced the celebrity-obsessed Obama it'd be a bad idea to nominate the lead character from "Hawaii Five-O."

* A petition to the White House asks that Miley Cyrus' "Party in the U.S.A." be our new national anthem. If somehow this happens, I plan to join Edward Snowden in seeking asylum in Bolivia.

* According to a Gallup poll, seven percent of Americans get their news from the occasionally fact-challenged CNN. It's easy to spot people who get their news from CNN. They're the ones buzzing this week about the recent coup in Canada.

Want more laughs? Scroll through Brad's author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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