Breaking Brad: Justin Bieber fans storm Westroads - Omaha.com
Published Monday, July 8, 2013 at 12:01 am / Updated at 7:03 am
Breaking Brad: Justin Bieber fans storm Westroads

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* Cellphones and fanny packs are banned for fans attending the U.S. Senior Open in Omaha. Even if you don't like golf, it's worth $50 a ticket just to spend time in a place where there are no cellphones and fanny packs.

* The U.S. Senior Open is expected to pump more than $5 million into local coffers. Most of that going to stores the specialize in selling plaid pants and white belts.

* On Saturday afternoon, more than 1,000 young people stormed Westroads after rumors surfaced that Justin Bieber might visit an Omaha mall. Even more amazing were the two people storming Crossroads.

* Bieber made his arrival at his Saturday night CenturyLink Center concert by being lowered to the stage via giant metal angel wings. That hasn't happened since Dan Welch's arrival at the Anthony's mayoral forum.

* It went over so well that Fred Funk plans to arrive via angel wings for the U.S. Senior Open.

* Bieber performed on a three-tiered stage so large that first thing Monday morning Omaha took steps to annex it.

* Marty Bilek, who resigned as chief deputy of the Douglas County Sheriff's Office to become Mayor Stothert's chief of staff, will collect a county pension of $67,000 in addition to his $112,500 city salary. For the out-of-towners, let me explain how things work around here. In Omaha, county pensions are our version of the winning Powerball ticket.

* The leader of Egypt has been overthrown and arrested. He's philosophical, reasoning that he's still had a better month than Paula Deen.

* Odd but true: A cat named Morris is running for mayor of Xalapa, Mexico, on a platform of promising to use his leftover litter to fill the city's potholes. Hey, that beats any pothole plan I've heard in Omaha.

* If Morris isn't elected mayor of Xalapa, I hope he considers running for Omaha City Council someday.

* Jay-Z reportedly is bringing a personal cigar roller on tour with him. Who says there are no good jobs for liberal arts grads?

* Robert Griffin III got married over the weekend. The couple is so perfect for one another that instead of throwing the bouquet, the bride took off running.

* According to Yahoo! Sports, Dwyane Wade's son Zaire is one of the top fifth-grade basketball prospects. At the rate we're going, at some point Yahoo! Sports will come out with its All-Embryo Team.

* After Serena Williams was ousted by a 23 seed at Wimbledon, one of her coaches said at least the sun will come up tomorrow. Actually, because it's London, it won't.

* Former NBA player Gilbert Arenas was arrested in California for driving a truck full of fireworks. This demonstrates the difference in societal standards. In California, he's arrested for having a truck full of fireworks. In Omaha, we'd elect him mayor.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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