Breaking Brad: Everybody's workin' for the weekend! - Omaha.com
Published Friday, June 28, 2013 at 10:27 am / Updated at 11:01 am
Breaking Brad: Everybody's workin' for the weekend!

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

* * * * * * * * * *

Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* Friday's Bank of the West Celebrates America concert features Pat Benatar. For the opening act, Mayor Jean Stothert and Fire Chief Mike McDonnell will arm-wrestle.

* I read for the Memorial Park concert that "parking will be available at UNO." Hah, good one!

* In addition to Benatar, Loverboy will also take the stage. My question: In good conscious, can Loverboy sing "Working for the Weekend" in a place where it rains every Saturday and Sunday?

* Because it's Benatar and Loverboy, there are a lot of rockers in Memorial Park. I don't mean people who love rock music -- I'm referring to folks seated on rocking chairs.

* Beginning at 5 a.m., concertgoers could stake out their spots at Memorial Park. If you'd like to know how that typically goes down, Google "Running of the Bulls video."

* Omaha fireworks are going to be more controlled than in years past. This year, you're only allowed to shoot them off 23.5 hours per day.

* Saudi Arabia voted to move its weekend to Friday and Saturday. At this point, I'm beginning to think the only way to keep it from raining every weekend in Omaha is to move ours to Wednesday and Thursday.

* Paula Deen's soon-to-be-released book is No. 1 on Amazon. Let me explain to people visiting from foreign countries how this works: In the U.S., we punish people caught in scandals by making them best-selling authors.

* A Super PAC wants Hillary Clinton to run for president in 2016. Somehow, this Super PAC has to convince a Clinton to seek power. "Would you be interested..." "OK, I'll do it! You twisted my arm, darn it."

* In an article about President Obama's trip to Africa, Yahoo! News referred to Kenya as 'the country of Obama's birth.' New Yahoo! News blogger Donald Trump has yet to issue a retraction.

* A new movie called "White House Down" opens Friday. I saw a clip. At first, I thought it was a news report on Republicans taking advantage of Obama's being out of the country and storming the White House to gain control.

* President Obama took his economic team with him to Africa. The bad news? He's bringing them back.

* Now, conventional wisdom in Congress holds that -- wait, my mistake, there is no conventional wisdom in Congress.

* The U.S. has a new strategy to find NSA whistle-blower Edward Snowden. We're going to tell the student loan people he's two days late with a payment -- we should have him by sundown.

* Snowden has been stuck in a Russian airport for five days. It's unclear if this is for political reasons, or if he's waiting for an American Airlines flight.

Also from Brad: In which Paula Deen says, "I is what I is"

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

World champion Crawford's promoter working to have title defense at CenturyLink Center
Hail, strong winds, heavy rain hit south-central Nebraska
Agreement reached to end dog racing at Bluffs Run at end of 2015
Police ID. body found near 36th, Seward Streets
Video: Stothert says Crossroads project is 'full speed ahead,' but she won't support bond issue
'Fairly old' human skull found in Mills County
Kelly: Started at a dining room table, Home Instead thriving at 20 with $1B in annual revenue
Omaha crash victim, 19, had touched many lives
Firefighters take on 'fully engulfed barn fire'
Council Bluffs school board approves new district headquarters
Officials announce effort to lure more veterans to Nebraska
SB 132nd Street lane closed
Shane Osborn grabs several endorsements
New public employee pay data: Douglas, Lancaster, Sarpy Counties, plus utilities
Database: How much did Medicare pay your doctor?
Omaha area may get 1 inch of rain tonight
Gov. Heineman vetoes bill to ease restrictions on nurse practitioners
Nebraska banking and finance director to retire
Waitress who served alcohol to teen before fatal crash gets jail time, probation
Owners of exotic dance bar deny prostitution allegations
More Nebraskans are electing to vote early
A day after Ricketts endorsement, Ted Cruz backs Sasse for Senate
Some city streets remain closed
Nebraska's U.S. Senate candidates stick to familiar topics at Omaha forum
19-year-old killed in one-vehicle crash at 72nd & Shirley
< >
COLUMNISTS »
Kelly: Started at a dining room table, Home Instead thriving at 20 with $1B in annual revenue
The idea that Paul Hogan had studied and then hatched at his mother's table was that older people, rather than moving in with relatives or to an assisted-living center, would much prefer to stay home instead.
Breaking Brad: Nebraska GOP candidates unified against naked squirrels
Some of these Nebraska campaigns are tilting pretty far right. At a recent forum, there was a consensus that we need to ban public dancing and clothe naked squirrels in public parks.
Breaking Brad: Inside the mind of a 99-year-old real estate agent
I saw an article about a 99-year-old real estate agent who's still working. “This house is extra special. It has indoor toilets!”
Breaking Brad: Into the claw machine! Florida kid follows Lincoln kid's lead
In Fort Lauderdale, Fla., a child climbed inside a claw machine. Hey, Florida kid: Nobody likes a copycat.
Breaking Brad: Even Chuck Hassebrook's throwing mud!
The Nebraska campaigns have turned so ugly, Democrat Chuck Hassebrook lobbed unfounded accusations at an imaginary opponent.
Deadline Deal thumbnail
Tokyo Sushi
$5 for $10 or $10 for $20 toward All-You-Can-Eat Sushi Purchase
Buy Now
PHOTO GALLERIES »
< >
SPOTLIGHT »
Omaha World-Herald Contests
Enter for a chance to win great prizes.
OWH Store: Buy photos, books and articles
Buy photos, books and articles
Travel Snaps Photo
Going on Vacation? Take the Omaha World-Herald with you and you could the next Travel Snaps winner.
Click here to donate to Goodfellows
The 2011 Goodfellows fund drive provided holiday meals to nearly 5,000 families and their children, and raised more than $500,000 to help families in crisis year round.
WORLD-HERALD ALERTS »
Want to get World-Herald stories sent directly to your home or work computer? Sign up for Omaha.com's News Alerts and you will receive e-mails with the day's top stories.
Can't find what you need? Click here for site map »