Breaking Brad: Former prostitute runs for mayor in Mississippi - Omaha.com
Published Wednesday, May 22, 2013 at 12:01 am / Updated at 9:10 am
Breaking Brad: Former prostitute runs for mayor in Mississippi

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* Warren Buffett was spotted at a local Dairy Queen. Gas is so expensive, he took the bus there.

* Nebraska and Iowa have some of the highest gas prices in the country. Of course, that can’t be helped, due to sun spots, storms on Saturn and the price of Bulgarian copper.

* Garrison Keillor performed at the Holland Performing Arts Center Tuesday night. In an embarrassing move, the Omaha City Council tried to annex Lake Wobegon for the additional tax revenue.

* A Valentine, Neb. lounge won the Best Burger in Nebraska honor. This is sort of like the Omaha mayoral race, only with a lot more interest among those living west of 200th and Dodge Streets.

* I saw a clip from the new “Star Trek” movie where the emotionless, unfeeling, devoid-of-sensitivity Mr. Spock - oh, wait, my mistake, that was the former IRS commissioner testifying before Congress.

* Wednesday night President Obama and Michelle host another White House concert. The White House is now sort of like Stir Cove, only with more concerts.

* Despite three scandals erupting in the past week and a half, President Obama’s approval poll numbers remain essentially the same. According to the journal Science, Obama is believed to be the first human ever made entirely of Teflon.

* In his remaining 3 years, President Obama has set an ambitious agenda. He wants a debt-reduction deal, a major immigration bill and gun control and energy reform. However, due to the intransigence of the current Congress, he’s willing to settle for refining the White House Easter Egg Roll.

* The White House claims higher-ups were unaware that the IRS was targeting the Tea Party. Let’s hope they weren’t unaware of this because they were busy tracking a Fox News reporter to Applebee’s.

* Sen. Joe Lieberman introduced a bill to make Washington D.C. the 51st state. This sounds like a good reason for the other 50 states to proceed with plans to secede.

* Freshman GOP Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) might run for president. I’m highly skeptical. He’s only been a senator for a few months; it generally takes years for a politician to become incompetent enough to qualify for GOP presidential nominee.

* Mitt Romney just slammed President Obama. Great, now Romney starts campaigning.

* Former Democratic U.S. Rep. Anthony Weiner formally announced he’s running for mayor of New York City. He threw his pants into the ring.

* In Vicksburg, Miss., a former prostitute is a candidate for mayor. You just hate to see someone with a background in prostitution get mixed up in something as seedy as politics.

* The former prostitute was going to run for U.S. Congress instead, but there are just some things she won’t do for money.

* “Dancing with the Stars” crowned a new champion - Kellie Pickler. The first two finalists eliminated were Aly Raisman and Jacoby Jones. That must be huge fun for the judges, to say to a gold medalist and a Super Bowl winner: “You’re no Pickler.”

* O’Hare airport in Chicago has hired goats to eat vegetation. The Obama job creation team plan is working just great - if you are a goat.

* That has to be frustrating. You’re an airport worker who is laid off due to sequestration and as you pull out of the parking lot you see a goat who still has a job.

* Actually, in a sign of the times, the jobs were all just out-sourced to a herd of goats from China.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

Primary battle between Battiato, Morrissey may be only race
UNMC appoints new dean for the college of dentistry
Jeff Corwin hopes to build connection with nature at Nebraska Science Festival
Metro transit recommends streetcar, rapid-transit bus line for Omaha
6-mile stretch of Highway 75 is the road not taken
After decades looking in, Republican Dan Frei seeks chance to take action
Cause of Omaha power outage along Regency Parkway unclear
Ben Sasse, Shane Osborn try to pin label of D.C. insider on each other
Curious about government salaries? Look no further
Easter Sunday temperatures climb into 80s in Omaha area
Omaha police investigate two nonfatal shootings
City Council to vote on adding Bluffs pedestrian safety lights
Sole big donor to Beau McCoy says he expects nothing in return
Convicted killer Nikko Jenkins might await his sentence in prison
Kelly: 70 years after a deadly D-Day rehearsal, Omahan, WWII vet will return to Europe
Midlands runners ready for Boston Marathon
Families from area shelters treated to meal at Old Chicago
Firefighters battle brush fire near Fontenelle Forest
Sioux City riverboat casino prepares to close, still hoping to be saved
Omaha high schoolers to help canvass for Heartland 2050
Mizzou alumni aim to attract veterinary students to Henry Doorly Zoo
Grant ensures that Sioux City can start building children's museum
Party looks to 'nudge' women into public office in Iowa
For birthday, Brownell-Talbot student opts to give, not get
Two taken to hospital after fire at Benson home
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