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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* Warren Buffett was spotted at a local Dairy Queen. Gas is so expensive, he took the bus there.
* Nebraska and Iowa have some of the highest gas prices in the country. Of course, that can’t be helped, due to sun spots, storms on Saturn and the price of Bulgarian copper.
* Garrison Keillor performed at the Holland Performing Arts Center Tuesday night. In an embarrassing move, the Omaha City Council tried to annex Lake Wobegon for the additional tax revenue.
* A Valentine, Neb. lounge won the Best Burger in Nebraska honor. This is sort of like the Omaha mayoral race, only with a lot more interest among those living west of 200th and Dodge Streets.
* I saw a clip from the new “Star Trek” movie where the emotionless, unfeeling, devoid-of-sensitivity Mr. Spock - oh, wait, my mistake, that was the former IRS commissioner testifying before Congress.
* Wednesday night President Obama and Michelle host another White House concert. The White House is now sort of like Stir Cove, only with more concerts.
* Despite three scandals erupting in the past week and a half, President Obama’s approval poll numbers remain essentially the same. According to the journal Science, Obama is believed to be the first human ever made entirely of Teflon.
* In his remaining 3 ½ years, President Obama has set an ambitious agenda. He wants a debt-reduction deal, a major immigration bill and gun control and energy reform. However, due to the intransigence of the current Congress, he’s willing to settle for refining the White House Easter Egg Roll.
* The White House claims higher-ups were unaware that the IRS was targeting the Tea Party. Let’s hope they weren’t unaware of this because they were busy tracking a Fox News reporter to Applebee’s.
* Sen. Joe Lieberman introduced a bill to make Washington D.C. the 51st state. This sounds like a good reason for the other 50 states to proceed with plans to secede.
* Freshman GOP Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) might run for president. I’m highly skeptical. He’s only been a senator for a few months; it generally takes years for a politician to become incompetent enough to qualify for GOP presidential nominee.
* Mitt Romney just slammed President Obama. Great, now Romney starts campaigning.
* Former Democratic U.S. Rep. Anthony Weiner formally announced he’s running for mayor of New York City. He threw his pants into the ring.
* In Vicksburg, Miss., a former prostitute is a candidate for mayor. You just hate to see someone with a background in prostitution get mixed up in something as seedy as politics.
* The former prostitute was going to run for U.S. Congress instead, but there are just some things she won’t do for money.
* “Dancing with the Stars” crowned a new champion - Kellie Pickler. The first two finalists eliminated were Aly Raisman and Jacoby Jones. That must be huge fun for the judges, to say to a gold medalist and a Super Bowl winner: “You’re no Pickler.”
* O’Hare airport in Chicago has hired goats to eat vegetation. The Obama job creation team plan is working just great - if you are a goat.
* That has to be frustrating. You’re an airport worker who is laid off due to sequestration and as you pull out of the parking lot you see a goat who still has a job.
* Actually, in a sign of the times, the jobs were all just out-sourced to a herd of goats from China.