Breaking Brad: 'Frankenfish' on the loose in NYC -
Published Monday, May 13, 2013 at 12:01 am / Updated at 9:28 am
Breaking Brad: 'Frankenfish' on the loose in NYC

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* Over the weekend, there was ostrich and camel racing at Horsemen's Park. If this doesn't burnish Omaha's reputation as a big event town, I don't know what will.

* Horsemen's Park held a race card on Mother's Day. After all, what says love more than handing Mom 20 bucks and giving her a chance to double it at the track?

* Sunday was Mother's Day. Last week was National Pet Week. We have one day to honor our mothers and seven days to show our love for our ferrets.

* A local hardware store held a Mother's Day sale. You know the love may be gone when your husband buys you a nail gun.

* Less than 24 hours until the Omaha mayoral election. That's just enough time for 18 new Stothert TV ads and for Mayor Suttle to mention he's an engineer 68 times.

* The 2013 Omaha mayoral campaign officially draws to a close when a candidate slings the last shovelful of ceremonial mud.

* The Omaha mayoral race is officially nonpartisan. Its logo should be a giant winking eye.

* The race is about as nonpartisan as Cuban presidential elections.

* On Sunday, Mayor Suttle campaigned at a farmer's market in Aksarben Village. I wish someone had asked him the hard question: How is it that eastern Nebraska currently has more farmers markets than farmers?

* It has been learned that the IRS targeted the Tea Party. Mitch McConnell called for a review to assure the IRS isn't harassing other Americans with “thuggish practices.” Is he serious? Last I checked, “thuggish practices” was the official IRS motto.

* Rand Paul was in Iowa over the weekend. That either means he's running for president in 2016 or someone in Ankeny held the greatest garage sale ever.

* Disgraced former U.S. Rep. Anthony Weiner is considering a political comeback. Disgraced former South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford was just elected to congress. I don't think it bodes particularly well when 75 percent of our candidates have the word “disgraced” in front of their names.

* After it was announced that fed chief Ben Bernanke is skipping the August summit at Jackson Hole, there's speculation that Bernanke is retiring. There's something about picturing Bernanke trying to live on the one half of a percent interest from his bank CDs that makes me feel good.

* Animal control in New York City is searching for a so called “Frankenfish” from the Central Park lake that can survive for several days outside of water. This is when you know New York is a hostile city – you're walking through Times Square when you are bitten by a fish.

* NFL free agent Titus Young has been arrested for the third time in a week. President Obama is calling for putting more police officers on the streets just to arrest Titus Young.

* A group of Jacksonville Jaguars fans petitioned President Obama to force the Jags to sign Tim Tebow. It's insane to think the president doesn't have better things to do than help Tebow find a team. Instead I'd try the vice president.

SEE ALSO: Brad Dickson interviews Mayor Jim Suttle, Jean Stothert

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

Keystone XL pipeline backers blast ‘political expediency’ as foes hail ruling to delay decision
Interstate construction to cause lane shifts, closings in Omaha area
Man, 21, shot in ankle while walking near 30th, W Streets
Teenager arrested after woman's purse is snatched outside Omaha store
Kelly: A California university president returns to her Nebraska roots on Ivy Day
17 senators in Nebraska Legislature hit their (term) limits
Slaying of woman in Ralston apartment likely over drugs, police say
Dems criticize governor hopeful Beau McCoy's ad in which he strikes a Barack Obama doll
Omahan charged in fatal shooting in Benson neighborhood
Friday's attendance dips at Millard West after bathroom threat
High school slam poets don't just recite verses, 'they leave their hearts beating on the stage'
Crack ring's leaders join others in prison as a result of Operation Purple Haze
High court denies death row appeal of cult leader convicted of murder
Haze in area comes from Kansas, Oklahoma
Man taken into custody in domestic dispute
Omaha judge reprimanded for intervening in peer attorney's DUI case
Intoxicated man with pellet gun climbs billboard's scaffold; is arrested
Police seek public's help in finding an armed man
Saturday forecast opens window for gardening; Easter egg hunts look iffy on Sunday
Database: How much did Medicare pay your doctor?
Last day of 2014 Legislature: Praise, passage of a last few bills and more on mountain lions
New public employee pay data: Douglas, Lancaster, Sarpy Counties, plus utilities
A voice of experience: Ex-gang member helps lead fight against Omaha violence
Church is pressing its case for old Temple Israel site
OPPD board holding public forum, open house May 7
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Kelly: A California university president returns to her Nebraska roots on Ivy Day
The main speaker at today's Ivy Day celebration at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln is a college president who grew up roping calves and earned her Ph.D. at the prestigious Oxford University in England.
Breaking Brad: Stuck in a claw machine? You get no Easter candy
I know of one kid in Lincoln who will be receiving a lump of coal from the Easter Bunny, just as soon as he's extricated from that bowling alley claw machine.
Breaking Brad: Mountain lion season's over, but the bunny's fair game!
Thursday was the last day of a Nebraska Legislature session. Before leaving town, legislators passed a bill to hold a lottery to hunt the Easter Bunny.
Breaking Brad: At least my kid never got stuck inside a claw machine
We need a new rule in Lincoln. If your kid is discovered inside the claw machine at a bowling alley, you are forever barred from being nominated for "Mother of the Year."
Breaking Brad: How many MECA board members can we put in a luxury suite?
As a stunt at the Blue Man Group show, MECA board members are going to see how many people they can stuff into one luxury suite.
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