Doug McDermott announced he will return to Creighton for his senior season. This is such exciting news that the older woman who raises the roof at Bluejay games was seen doing handsprings down 10th Street.
McDermott made his decision after some tough negotiations. If you see Greg McDermott on a metro bus, it’s because Doug has the family car.
Brion Carnes is going to transfer from Nebraska at the end of the semester. To discourage players from leaving, I say henceforth we refer to this as “pulling a Chase Rome.”
The NFL draft just ended. The first round is the second biggest day to showcase guys turning pro, right after signing day at Auburn.
The Detroit Lions signed Norwegian kicker Havard Rugland largely based on a YouTube trick shot video that garnered tons of views. Rugland said he’s looking forward to competing against the best the NFL has to offer, instead of a cat that can flush a toilet.
Going into the draft, it was reported that the Kansas City Chiefs may “shock the world.” Because it’s the Chiefs, I took that to mean they were considering drafting the late Merlin Olsen.
The NFL Thanksgiving Day lineup consists of Lions-Packers, Raiders-Cowboys and Steelers-Ravens. Which means there’s an excellent chance we’ll get to give thanks for all of our blessings by watching a player bite someone’s nose off.
Texas Rangers manager Ron Washington was caught smoking in the dugout. It’s going to be tough to get him to stop via peer pressure, since the rest of the guys in the dugout had tobacco in their cheeks that was the size of the bullpen cart.
A Pittsburgh Pirates fan used a giant glove to catch a foul ball. In the interest of parity, Commissioner Bud Selig is arranging for the gloves to be issued to members of the Astros’ infield.
A high school baseball game in Ohio was called after three innings with the score 65-0. The worst part was Urban Meyer in the stands shouting, “Let ’em play!”
A 25-year-old Bulls fan in Peoria, Ill., is suing Derrick Rose for getting injured, which caused the fan disappointment and then made him fat. Surely there are better things to do in Peoria than sue for ... oh, wait, turns out there’s not.
According to a report, Charles Barkley may take the general manager job with the Phoenix Suns. If so, that means you can look for the Suns’ first-round draft pick to be ... Charles Barkley.
The U.S. Justice Department is suing Lance Armstrong for “unjustly enriching himself.” If you can be held liable for this, half the Arizona Cardinals’ draft picks will likely soon find themselves in court.
A French soccer player missed a match after suffering blisters dancing “Gangnam Style.” The most embarrassing thing is he was just coming off the DL after pulling a hamstring doing the Harlem Shake.
A new hybrid sport called FootGolf combines soccer and golf to create the last event in the world that I’d never ever watch on television.
And finally: On Sunday, John Daly turns 47. Scary thing is, he’ll soon be at an age where he’s wearing his orange, purple and magenta striped pants at chest level.