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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* This is a first. I found myself humming, “It's starting to look a lot like Christmas” in mid-April.
* I realize Omahans are frustrated by the erroneous predictions of an early spring. But was it really necessary to hang Punxsutawney Phil in effigy?
* The forecast for eastern Nebraska on Thursday calls for rain, snow, sleet and the potential for flooding. The weather is so bad Gov. Dave Heineman was only able to squeeze in two rounds of golf.
* On Wednesday, Jean Stothert and Mayor Jim Suttle held their first head-to-head debate. It got off to a rocky start when each blamed the other for last week's hail damage.
* Speaking of the mayoral race, Jean Stothert released a poll of six people conducted in her campaign office showing Suttle with zero percent of winning the vote.
* A new poll, commissioned by Jean Stothert's campaign, shows her with an 8-point lead over Mayor Jim Suttle. The poll has a plus-or-minus margin of error of 5.8 percent. To provide some perspective, tarot cards have a margin of error of 5.6 percent.
* A man who was born in Lincoln, Neb., and now lives in Kansas, recently turned 103 years old. He said everything in the world has changed since he was a young boy. Well, everything except for downtown Lincoln -- it looks exactly the same.
* OPPD is doling out more than $29 million to 11 counties, up from $27.2 million last year. There's just something about seeing OPPD overcharged that makes me feel warm all over.
* Hillary Clinton is about to give her first paid speech. This was obvious when a Brinks armored truck was seen backing into the Clintons' driveway.
* More information is coming out about the U.S. mission to Mars. The capsule will contain two space travelers -- Beyonce and Jay-Z.
* There's still controversy about Beyonce and Jay-Z's recent trip to Cuba. This is not good. There was outrage in Havana after it was learned that the toys of Beyonce and Jay-Z's one-year-old daughter have a value that exceeds the gross national product of Cuba.
* President Obama is calling for spending $100 million to map the human brain. That's not as ambitious as it sounds, considering the White House Easter Egg Roll cost about $101 million.
* Obama is asking Congress for quick action on immigration reform. Congress? Obama might have better luck seeking fast action from the A.A.O.T. -- American Association of Tortoises.
* Sears CEO Edward Lampert signed a new deal that will pay him an annual salary of $1 per year. Next time members of the Neb. Legislature ask to be paid like leaders in the private sector, let's point to this story.
* A Pennsylvania man was arrested for hunting in a Walmart parking lot. I think we're going to need another sequel to “You Might Be a Redneck If...”
* The FAA says that passengers can now use kindles on planes. Kindles? Are you kidding me? Who the heck would want to read a book when you have the impossible-to-put-down Skymall magazine in front of you?
* In Milwaukee, a professional clown on trial wore his clown suit to court. This is when you know our court system is officially a joke -- the defendant's size-23 shoes are sticking out of the witness stand.